delitto soggettivamente politico

-snippet from a seminar-

Students are discussing a short story by Wolfdietrich Schnurre ("Reusenheben") where a man is strangling a woman.
A girl talks about the character of this man, saying he must be cruel by nature, since struggling is a very nasty way to die.
She says: it takes at least a minute to struggle someone.
- curiosity by the other students results in the question: how do you know that?

victorious, boyish, knowing smirk by the professor, who replies to the question: she used to have a different occupation before she became a student at this university!

Some students glance a concerned look at the professor, who seems to know all. Some look quite uncomfortable sitting next to the giggling student who just shared detailed knowledge about strangulation with them.
I sink into a convulsion of laughter behind my desk.


-snippet from a different seminar-

The professor is explaining to us about a server system to upload our future homework. The server is called apache.
The professor emphasizes the name apache and tells us this indeed comes from the name of the indian tribe.
" – because the IT-people have a very freaky self-conception and therefore like to name their programs in an unconventional manner," he says, glaring at his students, carrying a disturbingly freaky smirk himself for the next minute.
I sink into a convulsion of laughter behind my computer.



I love this university.

"let me smoke my pipe while I summon a falcon"*

It really has come to the point for me where I love the world as an entity so very much with all it's creatures in different shapes, sizes and colours, but feel very detached from the part of it where your daily life consists of casual, friendly human contact.

I'll be going to Estonia for about 11 days this summer and then back again on Christmas time. Should I feel anything missing from me because of the absence of the city I've been living in for the past 20 years?
No, because I know the city will be there and my friends, the few whom I hold close no matter the distance, they will also be there.
I rather feel a new sort of excitement for the world is now more open to me than ever.

So, my dear friends, you will most likely be off in different corners of the world for the time I'm home. The library will be opened and Pirogov park will be crowded.
But I'll be home from the 6.-15. August. If you are too, we will probably see each other. Because these little seemingly trifle thing other people call coincidence always brings me to the right people.

All in all, I look forward to seeing Tartu this summer, but remain content with the idea of spending most of my vacation time in my room in Marburg with books and movies.

Is it to do with the fact that home is where the heart is? If that be the case, my heart is in Marburg until September and then travels to further locations. But I have every intention of following it.

And so I carve my way into the path of the citizen-of-the-world-type person. Some day I will (we will, me and Him) make a home, but for now the world is my home and I feel alive and happy more than ever. One of the main factors to provide this sensation is the lifestyle of pack-travel-unpack-no better yet don't unpack because you need to go again in two days-travel.


May the world be at your feet whenever you wish it to grant you passage to it's hidden beauties.


And as the Trinidadians say: to celebrate life, you have to move your hips.
So:
party!






*This lovely quote comes from The Simpsons episode #1712, My Fair Laddy, where Lisa turns Groundskeeper Willie into a handsome, refined gentleman. Hilarity!

The squirrels are back!

Those little grey chipmunks who made me fall in love with them in India are lovely and when I saw them in Tallinn I squealed with joy. I guess I'm just a normal girl, having a thing for cute fluffy animals.

But Marburg takes the cake when it comes to squirrels, because in our very yard betweeen two dorm houses on a tree there was a red cute thing staring right at me when I came home today.

I've been missing those little buggers! In the autumn I got to see them every day when I went through the park.


So yay, squirrel time is back.

Yay, absolution

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test


This thing - and adding pictures on Facebook.
And booking a plane ticket - I'll be back in Tartu on the morning of the 23rd. And off to Greece on the 25th.


And now, off to schoolwork.

الأكاديمية الحماس

I'm very proud of all my friends who got their BA this month. May this be the first of many great steps in your academical career and path to find and share your own wisdom.

As the estonian students are lucky enough to enjoy their summer, I am just starting to write my papers. Yesterday I exited the library with 9 books in my bag. Today I got two more. And this makes me feel like myself again.


Daily brain activity is healthy. So, everyone, do read some books in the summer.

And make sure the ones you cherish know how precious they are to you. Nothing is more important.

True Blood

My country is really making a name for itself. In the first episode of True Blood's 3rd season vampire Eric has a new stripper and fucktoy, a girl who he says is from Estonia. She is actually russian and speaks russian.

So yay, go reputation for russian prostitutes in Estonia! No need to know that estonian people have their own language! No need to mention that when Tartu was Dorpat, it had a reputation in Europe for bringing forth excellent scientists!
Sex sells!

I'm amused, but not really happy with this.
But hey, smbc portrays us as poor people who kill each other for 5$.

Yay, world media cred.

Everything was illuminated

I will come and smite you personally if you ever want to try and explain to me that the beauty of a fierce thunderstorm gives you anything else than the feeling of total exaltation.


There is one person in this world whom I prefer to any thing or phenomenon, be it of human or natural origin. And the one thing missing from perfection was indeed not being able to share this exhilarating feeling with Him.

At first I was completely surrounded by heavy rain, I chose not to listen to the beautiful sounds in my mp3 player since the tango of rain and thunder is something so unique one shouldn't waste the opportunity of filling one's ears with it.

And as the thunder and the lightning was almost exactly over my head while I walked the empty, dark streets of this little town, I felt much safer than I feel when walking the streets in a quiet weather. Somehow I feel protected by the rain and thunder, I feel like it's watching over me. Although being soaked by it mostly carries no good results for my health.

So then I sat on the balcony, overlooking Marburg, and let the magic of lightning take over.
And how could one accurately describe something one could never grasp, just admire?
It really is something divine.
And it makes me feel very calm inside.

Thank you, God, for helping me recapture this inner calm He has given me and not letting it slip into the usual patterns nevernding restlessness. Indeed, You see what is in the heart.


I miss Him...

:]

It's great to be reminded again that there are these completely absurd meetings with very curious people who you talk to about the essence of Life, where you never feel tired physically because your mind is positively euphoric as a result of the chance to look into this person's perception of things, you drink but you don't get drunk because there really is no need to (by the way I think in that matter my alcoholic spell is broken and the liquor devil, who shortly started to seriously frighten me, has been kicked in the face for good).

Your party is the last to leave the bar and you have coffee with them to watch the city wake up and start their day. When you leave, they do offer, but you refuse politely, smile at them, tell them there should be more people like this and walk home barefoot, cheerfully greeting the tired-looking construction workers who are astonished by your endurance ("Look, she's coming home now! She's just coming home, guys!" - yeah, thanks for the support, dudes).

Then you sit on the balcony, listen to It's a Beautiful Day by U2 and finish the glass of wine you and your friend left on the table when we spontaneously decided to "come on, let's go dancing!" around midnight.


And you will probably never see them again, but smirk with your eyes when you think about that conversation.

Yes, I love those moments.
It's a beautiful life.

.

*knuff*

Oh the boots, the dresses, the hats, the stockings, the corsets, the make-up.... and the dogs.
The weekend before last we spontaneously decided to visit Dana in Leipzig and somehow, very randomly, ended up at the Wave Gothic Treffen. The entire town filled with stylish people in black. I admit some of them did not deserve a second glanze, but others certainly made my day.







And while I once again made the conclusion that alcohol and Leipzig don't go together, I was thrilled to spend time with my best friend and my boyfriend in tandem, having some long-missed fun with Dana, whom I soon hope to entertain anew in Marburg.


The last weekend was partially spent in Frankfurt with a play by D. H. Lawrence - The Fox. I can only recommend it, as it includes the stereotypes of femme fatale, femme fragile, femme masculine - and a handsome man to stir it all up, who seems to be a lovely fella, when really it turns out that... ah, I envy the male protagonist. What fun it must be to play a total psycho five nights a week! He also seemed a very jolly fella when I coincidentally ran into him after the play. In lack of sudden intelligent commentary I just told him he's awesome. I know, I know.
Now, since the plan is to go to the English Theatre in Frankfurt again, perhaps I shall bump into him on stage again and further explore his real character. As I have some actor friends, it's always interesting to see how much people draw from themselves onto the stage, how much they have to study certain psychological patterns and how the ongoing, evolving stage experience inflicts upon their character as a person.

We then met up with our good friend Jack Daniels to recall some long lost memories and enjoyed my kind of music in a tiny club called The Cave. Fun, fun, fun!

And I cannot emhpasize enough that the only time to travel by train is at night. We came back from Leipzig starting at 3:41, from Frankfurt at 5:21. Me, the night-owl, enjoys this way of life very much.
And as this week only had two school days and the latter, that is/was today, was interrupted by a fire alarm, giving me the privilege to catch up on my neglected book blog, I have the chance to remain a night owl for at least five days. Bliss!


So, life has picked up from the general apathy from the big obsession to the balanced bliss - since I have somehow blended my life with my love, while having the best of both. And I never know how to accomplish this. So, finally I have started watching movies again, finally my lungs have recovered and I have started jogging again, finally I have motivation for studying again, also studying russian with my lovely Julia, and, even drew something last night.

:]


Movie minutes:
Sex and the City 2 - yes, I actually went and watched this chick flick swarmed with bad reviews, what did you expect? The first one was nothing compared to the series and the second one was nothing compared to the first one, but really I went in knowing that there will be no tears, but lots of glamour, laughter and Samantha-moaning. And I had very much fun watching the movie. The islamic perspective has a new prism for me to look through lately, that is true, that gave me some thought as to which degree that portrayal is realistic at all - but one should try to see the world through their own eyes in as many forms as possible so I shall go and find out one day for myself.
Some bumps in the road for all ladies and their men of course, the neverending Big-Carrie-Aidan triangle being brought up again in this one - but really, every problem occurring in this movie seems almost a pseudo-problem to me since they are all solved rather easily and the ending a very happy one. So yes, girls, go, see, laugh.

Modigliani - naturally I had art history in high school and had read about the likes of Picasso, seen the Boeuf (Carcass) by Suitine and given short thought about the passion of an artist. But this movie really has it all - a fascinating love story, a passionate rivalry and intense love-hate relationship, an all-consuming love for art - and the way it shows the very fulfillment of the human soul by completion of this godlike action of creating something astonishingly beautiful with such meaning! Ah, and the paintings! A beautiful movie.

Bitter Moon - Ah, how loving someone can destroy you and them... a beautiful story of what happens when fucked up meets insatiably corrupted and, at the same time what capacity a human being has for cruelty and love. Partially a very disturbing movie, but with so much honesty and authencity. Loved it.

Malena - a love story in many ways. Structure-wise the portrayal of a young woman by a teenage boy who has a heavy crush on her, contents-wise the rise and fall of this woman and the bitter bread of destiny she is forced to chew on as because of her outstanding appearance and character society will always have a bone to pick with her. Camera-technically a masterpiece, truly showing the beauty of a moment full of life and emotions on the public square with all the hidden and public relationship a town full of people has to show; and thoroughly laying out the silent beauty of Malena's charakter, who rarely speaks a word but expresses no less than perfect poetry with her eyes.
A great movie.

Hannah and her Sisters - yet another Woody Allen movie, focusing on the life on a family, divided into chapters, also chaptered by the coming together of the family every thanksgiving. A comedic, heartfelt insight into the heart and thoughts of ... well, people. I would call Woody Allen's style, more than Balzac's (as written on the book blog in the latest entry) a human comedy, but always with a sense of very much authenticity and a real feeling for detail. A fun experience.

Loving Annabelle - the story of two women who fall in love with each other, one being a troubled teenager coming to a private school, the other being a teacher at this school. A good example how the stereotype of the 16-year-old smoking girl can be so much more, because this one has a depth in her eyes and actions, a depth that should not be questioned. Also the ever-alive question of ambivalent morals and hypocrisy in a christian private school (e.g. the movie Doubt - 2008, a very good drama). A realistic unhappy happy ending gives the final pinch of salt to a nice experience.

Nick and Norah's infinite Playlist - quite your typical high school comedy-drama-romance-awkward-nuances-factor-added type of movie. Two kids meet, at first feel quite neutral towards each other, then later discover a deeper connection. Both sum up the courage to say goodbye to their past - both being constantly haunted by it - and step into a new world together. Cute with a little twist, but on the whole average. Of course, I was distracted by the lovely Kat Dennings, so naturally I watched it to the end :)

Kissing Jessica Stein - somehow a woman who has three lovers decides to put an ad in the paper to meet another woman. Somehow this ad has a Rilke quote in it and attracts another woman, who, until now, has been rather conservative about her sexual preferences. Somehow these two have a relationship. Somehow then they remain friends. This was fun to watch, but I wouldn't watch it again, as again it has this comedic human touch, but loses some of it at the end. So on the whole I remain neutral.