Päikesejänku Päevik

feel

2012-01-12T06:47:00.002+02:00

Ma leidsin midagi uut.

Kellegi, kes tundus nii lihtsakoeline, kuigi emotsionaalne, ja kes on vägagi paindlik. Kes pole, kuigi on minust kõvasti vanem, veel päris kindel, mida ta tahab.

Lähemal tundmaõppimisel selgus, et Ta on võib-olla nutikam kui mina. Enesekindel. Põhimõttekindel, aga vaid tähtsaimas - oskab olla liberaal ja libertiin, nende sõnade parimas tähenduses.

Imetleb kõike, millesse mina usun ja kuulab mind hoolega, aga seisab oma põhimõtete kõrval uhkelt ja põhjendatult.

Keegi, kes tekitab minus tõsist huvi oma suu kinni panna ja hoopis Teda kuulata, jälgida, kuidas Ta erinevatele inimestele, raamatutele, filmidele reageerib ja mida Tal maailma kohta öelda on, kuigi Ta selles ringi reisinud tegelikult eriti ei ole.

Keegi, kes lepib minu vabaduse säilitamise nõuetega ja laseb mul lennata ja on tugev ja iseseisev ja ootab mind, kuigi ei väsi hüüdmast, et tunneb must puudust..
Ja samas paneb mu loobuma - või pigem naeratusega ülejäänud maailmale loovutama kõik need isiksused, kes minus huvi oleksid võinud äratada millalgi varem.

Keegi, kes toob minus välja parimad küljed - ekstravertne, aus, hooliv, andev, andestav, kuulav, mõistev.
Absoluutne ebavajadus egoismi või liigse eneseimetluse järele - sest Ta imetleb ja hellitab ja poputab mind nagunii.

Nagu ütles Antonio Banderas Original Sinis: tahan Talle anda kõik ja Temalt võtta kõik.

Huvitav. Intrigeeriv.

Olin väga skeptiline selle uue areneva Asja suhtes, sest see oleks nagu alanud liiga vara, juba paar kuud pärast lõplikku süürlanna tulevikust loobumist tuli see ilus Mees mu ellu ja ma üritasin alguses väga pragmaatiliselt läheneda - aga tundub, et Päikesejänkul ei kulunud siiski kaua, et Keegi tema südame taas põksuma paneks.
Ometi - see on tõeline... taas...

(-:

2011-12-28T16:24:00.002+02:00

Neither an eagle nor a dove am I
but dying here in this strange place of dust
The magical wings of poetry
The imaginary wings of love
Will bring me to the skies
I'll soar, soar
I'll get far, far away from this hard life
I'll go towards a world in which Everything is the music of life
And is showered with light
Everything is flowers of sound

But the memory of the caged birds
Drag me back once again
Back down to the dust

(Axiom of Choice - Parvaz)

Minust ei saa kunagi tandeminimest või karjasjooksjat.

Nagu ütles Alexander Supertramp: põhiline nauding ühe inimese elus ei tulene mitte kohtumistest teiste inimestega, vaid arusaamast, et kõik meie ümber sisaldab ilu ja võimet tuua vaatlejale rõõmu ja viia teda Tõelise Olemise Saladusele lähemale.

Nagu ütleb Paulo Coelho „Zahiri“ minategelane: tuleb kaotada oma mina ja jagada oma minevikku, muuta see enese jaoks tähtsusetuks, et tõeliselt saada osaks maailmast. Heita oma mina ja sulada voolu, kus see mina ei ole keskne.

Olgem ausad, ma olen lõppkokkuvõttes valmistanud pettumuse kõigile oma pikemaaegsetest partneritest, koheldes neid nii nagu ma ennast elades kohelda ei laseks. Olen olnud egomaniakk ja ajanud oma iseloomu juuri laiali mööda kõigi nende hingede metsi. Ja sellega on nii mõnedki neist sisemiselt umbrohtu täis kasvanud ning oma elu ja olemisega täielikku rappa jooksnud, või jalgupidi rägastikku kinni jäänud, üritades minu tallatud radu pidi mulle järgi jõuda. Emb-kumb, neid arme ei ole lihtne ravida. On imestusväärne ja tohutult lahke neist kõigist, et nad on mulle andestanud ja minuga heades suhetes püsivad. Ma tänan teid, et mind talusite, ilusad mehed mu minevikust.

Et ühe elu või ühe suhte murdepunkti kindlaks määrata, on vaja kogu perioodi pikemat analüüsi, milleks autoril hetkel jaks puudub. Kas kohe kirjeldamisele tulev muutus minus sündis viimase suhte olemasolu ja kulgemise või selle lõpu ajel, aga ilmselgelt on täiskasvanud naine minus hakanud naeratama ja likvideerinud paljud mu puberteedist mõtetesse rippuma jäänud ebakindlused ja egoistlikud mõtteviisid.

Jäädes osakeseks maailmast, meeldib mulle seda jälgida ja õppida pigem teiste inimeste kohta kui enesest midagi detailset teada anda – kui just minu kogemused kellelegi otseselt abiks või toeks ei ole. Ma ei demonstreeri enam ennast ja oma loomust kogu selle säravas veatus hiilguses, vaid jälgin esmalt, kuidas reageerib uutele kogemustele, muusikale, filmidele, muredele, haavatud tunnetele või tunnustusele inimene minu kõrval ja õpin tema kohta, küsides ja iseendast üle hüpates.

Nõudsin sellist altruismi alati teistelt: „hüppa ometi ükskord iseendast üle!“ – ja kuna nad selleks võimelised ei olnud, lõppes vähemalt kaks minu ilusatest armulugudest kurvalt. Ilmselgelt tuleb selline samm esmalt ise ette võtta ja minu kogenematus ja omadus end asjatult puhevile ajada või oma (olematut) õigust taga ajada – sünnitada vaidlust millestki, mis on tekkinud, kuna ma pole enesele piisavalt aega võtnud, et aru saada, kuidas üks minust paljus erinev inimene üldse toimib ja mõtleb ja tegutseb – tekitas mingiks hetkeks olukorra, mis vastastikuse mõistmise välistas.

Kui lahkunud kehast saanud tuhk raputatakse kaljult alla, helgivad üksikud tuhakübemed veelkord päikese käes ja kest lendleb vabana tuulde. Et aga oma mineviku tuhk õlult raputada, tuleb see kõigepealt kaminast välja rookida. Mõned mälestuste söe tükid helgivad oonüksidena selle halluse sees ja neid saab järgmisel süütamisel kasutada. Aga enamik on tuhk, mis edaspidist leeki vaid lämmatab.

Üleüldiselt ei ole mu hinges ühtegi emotsiooni ega hetke, mis oleks olnud kasutu või kahetsusväärne. Oma hetkelisele mõtteseisundile vasturääkivalt on mu arvuti täis sadu ja sadu reisipilte, mis küll kohapeal õhinaga tehtud, aga hiljem sinnapaika jäänud ja vaid harva mõnele külalisele näitamiseks mällu ja arvutiekraanile kutsutakse. Sest tähtis osa, mille ma reisidelt kaasa olen võtnud, ei seisne mind ümbritseva visuaalses väärtuses, vaid selle mõtte ja tunde erilisuses, mille vastav maa, selle elanikud, linnad, külad, metsad ja järved minusse on jätnud. Millised killud argielust, mis mulle siiani on märkamata jäänud, tulevad nüüd esile, kuna nad siin kas puuduvad või naudivad erilist tähelepanu!

Minu sisemuses toimuv on sama vastuoluline nagu Alexander Supertramp ja tema elu looduses ja võitlus samaga: Üksi kauni päikesetõusu jälgimine toob ju tegelikult sama palju naudingut kui seda kaaslasega tehes, sest vaid siis on võimalik täielikult päikesetõusule keskenduda. Seda loominguliselt jäädvustada.
Olgugi et mulle pakub hetkel küllaltki palju mõtteainet ja naudingut Õppida, õpetades. Kohe kui see koosolemine on plaanitud, mitte spontaanne, sisaldab mingit plaanimist tuleviku tarbeks või järgmise nädalavahetuse reserveerimist – võibolla pole mul seks ajaks üldse vastavat tuju.

Ma pigem viin inimese kohtumiseni Millegi Uue kui endaga ja saan seeläbi millegi uue sünni osaliseks, elan teiste silmis läbi mõttekäike ja saan seekaudu uue vaatenurga oma mõtlemisele. See on midagi kaunist inimestega kohtudes.

Aga tõsi on, et vabadus ja vaba olemise ilu pakub rohkem naudingut kui kuhugi pesa ehitamine. Kolin nädala pärast uude korterisse ja juba haarab mind impulss pooled oma asjadest minema visata. Kas tegu on hirmuga uue ja tundmatu vastu või pean tõesti nomaadiks hakkama, kui doktoritöö valmis kirjutatud? Keeruline.

Minu tugev soov on olla niivõrd tugev, et piisaks vaid suurest seljakotist pikemaaegseks elamiseks ja esteetiline rahuldus tuleks kunstist, mitte täiuslikult meigitud olemisest. Maailmast minu ümber ilu leides lasta sel läbi enese voolata ja seeläbi ka end ilusamana tunda, sest armastus ja põhjatu huvikaev Anima Mundi, iga maailma nurga tundmaõppimise suhtes, need on surematud väärtused, mis mind ei jäta.

Mida ma öelda tahtsingi? Olen muutunud pehmemaks, paindlikumaks, vastuvõtlikumaks mõtte vastu, et suhtes kellegagi tuleb olla isetu, ja olen seda edukalt praktiseerinud, tehes end haavatavaks, teades aga samaaegselt, et ma ei ole seotud selle inimese külge ja ei sõltu temast.
Samaaegselt olen selgusele jõudnud, et pean leidma piisavalt julgust üksi rändamiseks, tundmatuga silmitsi seismiseks, ja kui ilmad on päikeselisemaks muutunud, teen seda ka kindlasti.

Duaalse sisemuse uus etapp? Huvitav on ka asjaolu, et lõpuks ometi tungis kirjutamisokse minu seest välja. Vanasti, kusagil 16-18-aastasena oli see pidev armumise tunne, mis mind kirjutama sundis ja mult tihti une ja järgmise päeva esimese topelttunni röövis. Prioriteedid. Hetkel olin justkui eelmises postituses mainitud talveunes ja kuigi midagi hõljus tagaplaanil, ei saanud see minu seest välja, kuna mu silmad olid suletud.

Vanade filmide vaatamine kellegi uuega tähendab muidugi ka nende uuesti ja teisiti ja enam süvitsi mõtestamist ja seetõttu eelnevalt saavutatud helgete järelduste uue mätta otsast nägemist. Samuti on mul kolleeg, kes Alexander Supertrampiga peaaegu rinda saaks pista. Seega taas kohtumised inimestega.
Seetõttu on mul ka reisiigatsus peal ja iga päevaga suurenemas – on vaja elada selle kauni kuldse taalri teist külge, ise teha ja minna ja käia ja kõndida, kuni jalad villis. Oma kätega midagi teha, olgu see vaid söök, mitte tuli või riie.

Kevad, kevad! Tule kiirelt! Tahan jooksma minna! Kaugele maale! Iseenda ärevusest ja maailma mitmekesisusest rõõmu tundes, selles armastusega kirjutades!

:-{D

2011-12-25T14:40:00.000+02:00

heartbreakin', soulshakin', lovemakin' ... ?

2011-12-21T05:59:00.002+02:00

Okei, saksa mehed ja saksamaal elavad välismaa mehed on igavad ja kasutud ja kui neist miskit kasu on, ei ole neist piisavalt närvikõdi. Kui nad ilusad on, ei ole neil seda sisu, mida mina otsin. Seega - esimest korda elus olen olnud tõsisema suhteta ja suhtealgeta neli kuud.

Üldiselt pole viga, maailm on huvitav paik ja elu on ilus nagunii, sest ma olen nii ilus tark ja osav, aga -

Kunstnik/kirjanik leiab ka iseendast inspiratsiooni, aga selleks on mul vaja aega ja rahu, sest armunud olla tõmbab selle kõige kiiremini välja.
böö.

Mai 2010:

My lover’s locks are like a lullaby
caressing me while I caress his mind
sometimes they whisper songs, sometimes they cry
so lost in chanson I forget the time

My lover’s belly is a symphony
where novel tunes unveil with every play
sensationally tingling on my chin
tonight so rapidly turned yesterday

My lover’s back – a perfect walz for two
it’s curve’s caress so soft on either cheek
a classic midnight full moon rendevouz
it’s touch gives so much more than sleep

My lover’s lips – a tango, there’s no doubt
awake a passion futile to resist
their condimental kiss, it wipes me out
awake I lie in silky breathless bliss

My lover’s charcoal eyes are worst of all
two cellos, black in equal suite and sound
intoxicating tunes in visual
I do need sleep... but choose to live without.

2011-12-20T10:50:00.002+02:00

Siinmail saavad olema valged jõulud.

Kes veel neid aegu mäletab:

Aeg heitis valge vaiba maha
(17.nov.2005)

Aeg heitis valge vaiba maha
Valgustamaks päevi, öid
Lund langes kõikjal, kus sai
Nähtud vaeva, tehtud töid

Muist langes tema palgele,
Kes jooksis armastuse eest
Ta soojal, nutust kuumal põsel
Muutus igatsuseveeks

Nad, väiksed, hanges mängides
Veel teadmata, mis elu toob
Lund sõbra kätelt rookides
Neil lastel uudset sõprust loob

Üks plika, lumest joobunud
Seal tantsusamme harjutas
Nii pehmelt maha potsatades
Emal’ vaikselt naeratas

Kes hööritades tänaval
Silm särab, keha müües
Veel püüab lumeräitsakaid
Ja elu hetkeks unustab

Üks voodi, und kus ootab poiss
Ja linnas keemas melu
Neid lahutab see pehme vaip
Ja rahu täidab elu

Nii patud, peod või pisarad
Sel valgel’ vaibal’ antud
Saab puhtaks, lunastatud
Kui talveuttu kantud

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

2011-12-07T19:31:00.001+02:00

Ma olen täielikku talveunne langenud ja meil isegi ei saja veel lund. Öäöäöäöä. Halb.

Täismahus viitsimatus.

-.-

Fuuuuuuuu-

2011-12-03T07:10:00.003+02:00

-ckyeah.

+1) Kui laupäevaõhtu tööbilanss on 30€ jotsi ja neli säravsilmsetelt noormeestelt (ja ühelt neiult) pihku poetatud telefoninumbrit ja kui pärast 12h tööpäeva veel jaksatakse 5 tundi maailma kõige ilusama mehega veini juua, siis ego ikka tõuseb küll lakke.

Ma ei tea, kas mu brünetsusel on sellega midagi pistmist...

+2) Kui magistritöö hinne on A ja kui sellest pakutakse koostada teaduslik artikkel avaldamiseks ja kui doktorantuuri astumiseks on vaid vaja mingi mõistlik huvitav eksposee koostada - "rahastusvõimalustest räägime ka peatselt" - siis ego ikka tõuseb küll lakke.

Hingan nüüd natuke vabamalt, naudin kaht vaba päeva nädalas nagu normaalsed tööinimesed. Võiksin baaritöö rahalisest nurgast vaadates sinnapaika jätta, aga lõbus on ja kokteilide kokkusegamise oskus ei jookse teps mitte mööda külgi maha.

Leidsin ühetoalise korteri, 24m2 pluss vannitoake ja kööginurgake ja suur rõdu. Kolin jaanuari esimesel nädalal, korter on minu kuniks ise mujale soovin.

Miinus 1): siin läheb millalgi külmaks ja siis ei saa ma oma ilusa jalgrattaga enam uuest korterist igal õhtul tööle ja hommikul tagasi paarutada. Tagasi veel mäest üles, aga alla ma libedaga sõita ei tihka. Seega hakkab minema veidi rohkem aega enese transportimisele. Elu on nii raske.

Miinus 2): pean akadeemiliselt tubliks hakkama veel selle aasta sees taas. See on küll väga lõbus ja huvitav ettevõtmine, aga ilmselt pean ikkagi veel ka töötama kevade-suveni. Elu on nii raske.

HRLile minemise plaan on nüüdseks tehtud. Muidu tahaks suvel-kevadel Prahasse, Pariisi ja Hispaaniasse. Agara töögraafiku keskele muidugi sellised puhkused ei mahu, seega tahaks suveks doktorantuuri kindlust maitsta ja töötamise taas ära lõpetada, Saksamaalt mitmeks nädalaks põgeneda. Aga eks seda näis.

Üldiselt on elu päris kena. Ma peaks ainult suureks kasvama ja lõpetama igasuguste nägusate meessoost olevustega flirtimise. Nad ei huvita mind pärast mõnda nädalat absoluutselt. Ilmselgelt oli viimane suhe viimane tilk karikasse ja see kümme pluss aastat mehe maiguga veini torgib mind ikka veel pohmelliliselt. Aga keha ei taha mitte päris kaineks saada.
Flirtida on tore, aga ei midagi tõsist, ei jaksa, ei taha, vaja tööle minna.

Igatsen pigem raamatute seltskonda taas. Pole ka ime, baaritöö ju nõnda sotsiaalne, ja nagu näha, siis niidan ma mõne sõnaga kiirelt südameid ja rebin, keda tahan.

Üldiselt võtaks siiski kokku, et selle aasta bilanss=Success! akadeemiline kraad, huvitavad uut laadi töökogemused, tükike maailma vallutatud, isiklikult arenetud ja õpitud enese emotsioonide ja impulssidega paremini toime tulema (kohati). Võibolla liialt suitsetatud ja joodud, aga mis seal ikka. Ei kahetse midagi.
Loodan, et järgmisel aastal toimub tohutu areng ja ma saan oma doktoritööga kenasti pihta hakata. Luban hardalt usinam olla kui magistritööd kirjutades, mil põhilised 50lk viimasele nädalale jäid.

Ego on ikka veel laes ;-)

(nädala lugu: Maroon 5 - Moves like Jagger)

happy dance

2011-11-25T21:15:00.001+02:00

ei ole elus jätkuvalt midagi täiuslikku.

aga natuke sushit ja hea muusika ravib kõik.

Sorry for party rocking ;-)

2011-11-18T07:35:00.002+02:00

Mu keskmised kaaselanikud ei olnud just eriti õnnelikud, kui ma hommikul kl 8 hunniku inimesi oma tuppa vedasin ja lällasin ja veini jõin nendega.
Kahjuks on baaridaami elu just selline, et kui teised vaikselt pidu lõpetama hakkavad, alustame meie esimese dringiga, sujuvalt viimase õllejotsi münte üle lugedes poetame isiklikku kokteiliklaasi joogikõrre. Teie ju ei näe, mis teisel pool baariletti toimub. :p

See kole öötööelu ja kaugsuhe päikesega omab ka mingeid privileege. Raha jagub hetkel, s.t. midagi üüratut ma enesele hetkel lubada ei saa, kuna uue elukoha tagatisraha läheb 400€ ja üksi elada on ilmselt kallim kui mitmekesi. Aga eks seda näitab aeg, hetkeambitsioon on igatahes ühetoaline korter nabida. (Mitte, et Marburgi kinnisvaraturg selliseid valikuid soodustaks. Aga väike päikesekiir - nagu mu nädalaplaaniski umbes kahel päeval valguses jalutuskäik ajaliselt võimalik on - näitab end selleski tulevikus.) - aga kui ma juhuslikult tahan 50€ nädalas toidule kulutada, on seegi takistusteta ettevõtmine.

Töötan enamasti kuus päeva nädalas, aga toon koju nii palju leiba ja joon kõrisse nii palju alkoholi kui parasjagu passib. Loogiline, et mu privileegide täierinnaliseks nautimiseks oleks vaja kaks päeva nädalasse juurde, aga mida ei ole, seda ei ole.

Ainus nõme on, et mul ei ole hetkel tõesti eriti palju aega end igasse võimalikku kirjastusse pakkuda. Senised tööotsingud on olnud edutud, aga otsisin täna taas viis kuulutust välja, millele entusiastlikult vastata.

Igasugused akadeemilised õiendused venivad. Kaks kuud tagasi ära anda plaanitud retsensioon venib. Öökapiraamat venib. endalgi hakkab piinlik. Aga hetkel teisiti ei jaksa. Sest tööst vabal ajal tahaks ju natuke lõõgastuda ja lõbutseda ka...

Ühesõnaga, pole just halvim aeg mu elus. Aga väga kiire on kogu aeg.

Päikest. Siin hakkab ka öösiti vaikselt miinusesse minema.

blabla

2011-11-01T07:13:00.002+02:00

tahaks olla samasugune rändurhing nagu mustlased, kotike varanatukest kaasas.
aga veel ei oska ma olla piisavalt vaba ja vapper.

elu seisab paigal, ootan tööd ja ootan armastust. viimast ei tule ilmselt niipea. lõpuks ometi, vahelduseks rahu ja vaikus. või ei tea kah. eks näis.

muusika mõjutab kuidagi liiga kõvasti. peaks seestpoolt rohkem mõjutusi tõmbama kui winampi sfääridest.

Blah.
Nägin täna päikest üle... nädala vist. ööinimeseks olemine ei ole ikka õige. Tuleb pärastlõunaseid jalutuskäike hakata tegema.

Ja lõpetada saiakeste, kookide ja igasuguste sugulusüllitiste pidevmanustamine.

Bilanss: null. umbes-täpselt.

Oeh.

Comfortably Numb

2011-09-29T03:18:00.003+03:00

Kunagi oli mu hobi pidudel otsida üles ruumi kõige ilusam mees, tõmmata tolle tähelepanu enesele ja mängida sellega kuni ma ise tüdinen. Olgu see siis peo jooksul või hiljem.

Antud hetkel on see tegevus täiesti mõttetu, kuna
1) mul on uues kaunis suures korteris väga ilus ja vägaväga sümpaatne korterikaaslane
2) ma armastan vahelduva eduga jätkuvalt oma ilusat araablast (ja tema mind), hoolimata mõningatest meelelahutusfunktsiooniga, khm, sõpradest minu lähemas raadiuses
3) tegelikult olen ma nüüd ju abielunaine ja peaks mahajoostud sarved seinale riputama, ühe Anne ja ühe oma voodi kohale (love you, cutie pie! xD)

Magistritöö sai valmis. 73lk, 20 913 sõna. Hurraa.

Nüüd töötan baaridaamina ja pagaritoodete pakkijana ja olen üleüldse väga asjalik ja usin ja varsti kui mõlemas kohas normaalajaga alustan (pagarilas oli proovipäev alles esmaspäeval), siis ei ole mul üldse vaba aega. raha on vaja kokku ajada ja elada on vaja.

kevadel saab ehk kuhugi kirjastusse. lootus sureb viimasena.

aga nüüd on saabunud see aeg, kus pean ise päriselt tööd tegema, et end elatada. 23nda eluaastani teiste kulul lulli lasta on päris hea luksus. paljude eluruumis lausa utoopia. Seega ei kurda ma sugugi ja katsun nüüd omal käel hakkama saada.

Magistritöö tulemus tuleb novembri keskel. Oeh. Ei tea, ei tea.

Üldiselt sujun kusagil vaheuniversumis hetkel ja ootan, kuni minuga midagi põnevat juhtub. Saadan vaikselt tööavaldusi laiali ja vehin õlleklaaside ja saiakesekastidega, eks näis kui hästi-halvasti mulle selline eluviis sobib ja kas fortuuna koputab varsti uuesti uksele.

Miskit oleks nagu puudu, aga küll ma sellegi leian. Natuke on siiski veel puhata vaja. Siis jälle täie hooga ellu.

Pole viga. Saame hakkama.

2011-09-19T19:14:00.001+03:00

FUCK YOU, ACADEMICAL ACHIEVEMENTS

...okay, got that out of the system. back to writing.

Strawberry fields forever

2011-09-17T01:41:00.002+03:00

Okay, so I am supposed to be writing my thesis these days and really doing only and primarily that.

What have I been doing besides trying to fulfill this small task?
(Later next week I will update this list by adding pictures)
- hosting my lovely Anne here in Marburg, and Frankfurt, and Cologne for 9 days
- moving to an awesome big room with my own balcony
- listened to live and enjoyed new knowledge of german metal music
- gotten single
- watched some beautiful movies
- eaten a lot
- drank a little
- had wayyy too much coffee

No regrets, no apologies, some changes, some sadness, and some happiness, and a little bit of adventure, and lot of learning. I guess this is how life is supposed to be.

I feel surprisingly balanced and standing quite above the emotional wreck I feared to become, just serenely flowing along with life. Maybe now I am finally the strong creature I have aspired to be. Or it is just because I recently read Siddhartha, once again, for my thesis.

We will see. First up, before analyzing any further - finishing the academical stuff.

Side note: Beyonce is magnificent!

As is mr. Einaudi:

hush, hush, settle down, button up, don't make a sound

2011-08-09T18:44:00.003+03:00

You can stop worrying now - I'm back all safe and sound.
Sadly I can't say that about my suitcase yet. Well, fingers crossed.

Protip: work hard to achieve your goals and dreams and pay attention to learn more about yourself.
But don't take life all too seriously. That way, when it comes back to bite you in the ass, you can playfully bite back and endure the process of things not going according to plan with humor.

Bleh.

Anyway, back to studying.

Xoxo

2011-07-28T01:36:00.001+03:00

Dear Jordanian police,

I would much rather be branded a whore
than a narrow-minded fundamentalist.

Your God has much more love for me than he ever will for you.

Yours Truly,
Ms. Law-Breaker

(PS. don't worry guys, I'm okay. It has been an adventurous time here in Amman)

A lion-hearted girl

2011-07-22T15:00:00.003+03:00

Might I have taken a bitter bite while feasting on my political incorrectness?

No fear.
Jump.

This Strangelove really kind of does make my heart sing. For that, I will become a lion-hearted girl. Thanks, Depeche Mode, and Florence + The Machine, for paraphrasing my life so well.

Perfection

2011-07-18T16:33:00.004+03:00

I. Am. The. King.

Let me tell you why:
We went to a weekend seminar to end the semester. We spent Saturday working on some texts from Roland Barthes and then went onto the other important aspect of being a student: sippin' that wine, hard. As it happened, there was a football team spending a training weekend and sippin' around the other tables on the big yard of the youth hostel.
Around twelve we ran out of cigarettes, so we decided to ask the lovely sporty gentlemen if one of them would drive us to the nearby gas station, and being the nice people they are, we got our wish and supplied the seminar crowd with more wine.
The conclusion of the evening was that a lot of wine was sipped away and as we wanted to repay the niceness of the football team, me and the lady who accompanied me to the gas station spent a bit of time talking to them. I happened to ask them about their training program. They were supposed to be going for a morning run at 7:30.
I got to bed around 1:30, totally drunk and feeling quite icky because of the weird german apple wine which I do not like but took a cup of from the guys because they thought it is THE drink.
Being in the condition I was, the I-am-strongest-rule applied itself and I loudly declared that I would go jogging in the morning.
So, I actually crawled out of bed at 7, after a night of wining, went running with the football team... and outran them.
Their morning run is 30 minutes. I went on for an hour. The poor guys thought they had lost me in the woods.
Fckyeah!

In today's thoughts on life:
I guess the stupidity or the ever-ongoing vicious circulation of searching happiness in one's existence is driven by the fact that we tend to yearn for the opposite of what we have.

Currently I am cocky enough to assume I can have both.

But what is life, if not short, changing and adventurous?

I deserve no less.

No Berlin for me, sadly, they chose someone else. Luckily I still have time to look around elsewhere.

A hard rain is a fallin', as Bob Dylan predicted, but that aint' stoppin' Yours Truly.
I just hope it doesn't turn into a shitstorm in September.

:-]

What really happened

2011-07-13T18:50:00.004+03:00

Well well well. Sometimes you just happen to find yourself on a spontaneous birthday party for yourself. After all those semesters my floor has been filled with just the loveliest people. Thanks guys!

This happened at 00 on the 12th. The remainder of the day saw me waking up at 7 to get to Göttingen and then to Berlin, where I had a job interview, of which the results will come to me in a couple of days, and walked around to enjoy the city.

Berlin is nothing like your ever-so-loud metropol with busy unfriendly people. I had some nice conversations, helped some people out, got some good pictures and generally enjoyed walking on the streets, in the parks and around the big sights. It would be a great home to have. Fingers crossed!

And thanks to everyone who wished me well yesterday, no matter if you let me know about that or not. :-)

Конфуций был козел

2011-07-11T14:33:00.005+03:00

Ju on siis elur66m tagasi tulnud, kui k6nnin kergel sammul mööda tänavaid ja naeratan minevikuvestluste totakate detailide üle. Ja istun actually l6puks raamatukogus.

When it rains, it pours - homme s6idan Berliini tööintervjuule - hoidke mulle homme pöidlaid! -, 24ndal lendan kaheks nädalaks Jordaaniasse, ja ka Marburgis on äkitselt elule ärganud nii m6nedki huvitavad, erilised, intrigeerivad inimesed.

Kas tunda elust r66mu ja elada hetkele v6i hoida kinni sellest, mis meid pikas perspektiivis 6nnelikuks teha v6iks? Neli aastat tagasi oli mul kindel vastus taskus sellele küsimusele, hetkel olen veidi segaduses, kas läbi ja l6hki spontaansest (ja tsiiipa egoistlikust) elufilosoofiast tuleks v6i ei tohiks välja kasvada.

Augustikuus lähemalt. V6ib-olla.

Ahjaa, ma hakkasin eile l6puks ametlikult magistritööd kirjutama. Praeguse ajakavaga arvestades on mul 2 nädalat iga peatüki jaoks. Pluss Jordaania aeg, mil ma ilmselt produtseerin kaks lehekülge, ja Anne külastusaeg, mil ma loodan kusagil 5-6lk kirja saada. (although... I have some serious doubts about the motivational value of a cute girl drawn to good wine being permanently attached to my room. It will, however, up the fun quota substantially, so, win xD) Hmm. Kuhu kadus nominatiivaeg kuus kuud? Hell knows.
Akadeemiline entusiasm ftw!
Tervitusi raamatukogust.

Filmimaailmast: Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky. Imeilus portree. Ma olen alati arvanud, et Mad Mikkelsen on awesome.
Iris. Südantl6hestav, aga suurepärane. Kate Winslet ja Judi Dench. ja mistanimin'd oligi.

True Bloodi uus osa. Bwhahaha. Innocent Eric cracks me up so hard.

Sellega l6petame uudised. Ahjaa, Ilmateade: täpselt 6ige kogus suvesooja. Leidsin l6puks j6eäärse ujumiskoha, kust saab köiega vette hupata. 6htused ilmad on... khm, hiljuti soojemad kui ennist.

Carpe diem!

PS. kui keegi tahab finantseerida uut ilusat korsetti mu imaginaarses korsettide kollektsioonis, siis homme on mu sünnipäev ja mu kontonr on 221012022156 :D

whoosh

2011-07-05T04:14:00.004+03:00

...ja saigi kuu aega Eestis läbi. Sai maal vaikust nauditud, sai sõpradega kõvasti Tartu linna pubidesse investeeritud, igasugust tähelepanu nauditud ja oma sotsiaalseid oskusi poleeritud, Hard Rock Laagris käidud, kaks korda kainet autojuhti mängitud ja perekondlikke funktsioone täidetud.

Üldiselt oleksin võinud produktiivsem olla, aga kuidagi keeruline pärismaailma ehk töö- ja kooliasjadega ühendust leida kui oled kodus - kuidagi hoopis teine maailm, raamatukogu pole enam harjutud kodune koht, suletakse juba kl 5, õigeid raamatuid riiulis ei ole, kõik on tuttav ja motivatsioon puudub kui tuumapohmell mitu korda käib. Mul on head sõbrad, aga nüüd tuleb tööle tagasi minna.

HRL oli lahe, Mnemic selle aasta parim üllatus, kuigi nautisin ka selliseid toredaid kollektiive nagu Zorg (!), Moonsorrow, Tolmunud Mesipuu ja My Dying Bride. Zorgi ajal sai ka kael valusaks vihutud. Kahjuks pole siiani ühtki pilti sellest leidnud, aga mis seal ikka.
Uued arengud mu hingeelus: õppisin üksi toime tulema ja ilma paariliseta kulgema ja avastasin, et see polegi üldse problemaatiline. Tuttavaid jagub, kellega aega surnuks lüüa ja ka uued on lihtsad tekkima. Kena aeg sai veedetud nii kõigi teiste laagriliste kui iseendaga!

Istun hetkel Tallinna lennujaamas ja kuulsin raadiost uudiste seas, et HRL oli rahulikult möödunud, politseil suurt teha polnud ja autojuhid olla kained olnud, kes koju sõitsid. Olen väga positiivselt üllatunud, kui viisakalt ja rahulikult kõik möödus - telgist midagi ei kadunud, telk ise lömmi ei vajunud purjus komistaja all, üleüldse keegi purjus peaga mind ei tüüdanud. Kui Eeeeerooooo ja pohmell välja arvata, sain pigem teada, kui tore on mõnikord siiski täiesti võõraste inimestega niisama juttu ajada.

Jään ikka Eestit igatsema, talvel nii paljude inimestega kokkusaamiseks aega ei ole ja järgmisel suvel olen loodetavasti tööinimene, mis tähendab, et aega koju puhkama tulla reaalselt nii palju ei ole kui siiani olnud on. Aga võibolla käin hoopis tihedamini ja lühemaks ajaks. Ja võibolla tulen siiski jõuluks koju tagasi, saba jalge vahel, ja hakkan Eestisse tööd otsima, mis mind intellektuaalselt nii palju ei paelu kui see, mis Saksamaal pakutakse. Aga eks näis, kõik on hetkel nii lahtine kui vähegi olla saab.

End nõnda kahe maailma vahel jagama õppida on jätkuvalt keeruline, hetkel on Saksamaa pigem töö ja Eesti pigem mängimine ja puhkamine, kuigi tegelikult sooviksin tasakaalu. Aga kes ikka oma elus pikemaajalist tasakaalu nautida on saanud. Igatahes kadus selle kuuga ära mu viimasel ajal tekkinud tohutult kriitiline seisukoht Eesti ja kontrastreeruv vaimustus Saksamaa suhtes. Vaikselt hakkab perspektiiv tekkima. Ehk tulen ikkagi mingil hetkel Eestisse tagasi, kui hääd kohta pakutakse (Tartu Ülikool, te vajate uut õppejõudu, kel oleks aktuaalne teadmiste pagas ja karismaatilised leekivad juuksed! eksju, onju)

Tegelikult tahaks nüüd mingi aja Saksamaal mõnes suuremas linnas elada, siis mõne uue võõrkeele ära õppida (aga see on nii kuradi raske, kui väiksena on ema hoole ja vaeva abil kaks keelt selgeks tehtud ja äkitselt pean ise ennast sinnamaani viima, et sõnavara ja grammatika hakkaksid pähe kuluma. Vene keel on mingil määral külge hakanud jääma, prantsuse ja araabia keel aga venivad aeglasemini kui märg tigu kuival asfaldil.... oeh)
Aga taaskord - eks näis. Kõik on lahtine!

Vähemalt emotsionaalselt tundub, et hetkel ei ole põhjust millegi pärast kurta, olen harjunud oma olukorraga ja lendan ilmselt juulis soojale maale õnneliku aega nautima. Mis pärast seda juhtub, on taaskord lahtine, aga peale palvetamise ja uskumise ja lootmise pole ju ka millegagi olukorda aidata. Tuleb tugev olla ja ma saan sedakorda üllatuslikult hästi kaugsuhtega hakkama. Ju on see õige. :-)

Niisiis, jagage HRLi muljeid kui soovite, ja tore oli teid seal kohata, keda ma nii tihti enam ei näe.

Jää siis mõneks ajaks nägemiseni, Eestimaa.

Eesti päike ja eesti õlu, oli tore teid taas tervitada.
Ja Anne, Sul on täiesti õigus, üks päev varem kohale minna on täiesti optimaalne.
Same time and same boozin' strategy next year! ;]

la di da

2011-06-30T00:29:00.002+03:00

weirdly enough I have entered my hippie-phase. I am constantly wearing white and linen and loose clothing and colors and feel so nature-near that I go into the friggin' strip club in Tartu and stroll around barefoot. Yes, this is me now.

Today I replanted my fucking cactus. I am Martha fucking Stewart of gardening.
Why does this make me so happy? Because fucking cacti have thorns.
I wore a glove. It didn't really matter.
But hey, the fucking plant is happy.
Yay.
On a more serious note, I am glad to have finally taken care of my cute (and only) plant and wish to have many more cacti in the future.

Hard Rock Laager awaits, why Anne and her bf insist on going tomorrow evening already, I cannot fathom, but hey, what the hell. It's not like I've been super productive for the whole month in Estonia anyway. What's another day.

Here's are two awesome tunes for ya:

bloody hell

2011-06-26T01:49:00.003+03:00

In anticipation of the new True Blood season, I have disappeared into a secluded fantasy bubble and read eight of the eleven paperbacks (mum gave me a box set for christmas). Didn't bother to go through the three newer ones I have in pdf format, though.

Anyway, now that I actually need thinking about starting work again, the bubble has burst and I find myself the lonely camper I have been feeling like on my unhappier days.
Curse the Sryian Internet and curse all circumstances that brought this situation onto my Beloved.

I do have all these romantic mental images of war-time brides getting no notice from their men and lovingly gazing into the distance, sitting on the porch and knitting stuff - but really, could anyone blame a gal for wishing for more than two weekly minutes on the phone and two talks on the internet?

and with these thoughts, Frustration Week begins.
Thank God I still have a glassful of Martini Extra Dry to get me better - and it doesn't also harm to be able to pour it into my new fancy martini glass.

Ah, never mind all the New Things (I've gone shopping twice this week, brief moments of triumph from the lovely second hand shops in lovely Tartu, now already not so smile-inducing...)

Frustration extraordinaire.

The only thing to distract me now is to get motivated enough and start working on something intellectually challenging, like my thesis.
So, fingers crossed that the motivation will gallantly land onto the balcony and give me a fuzzy hug when I go for my next cig.

Seeya.

idle

2011-06-20T22:13:00.004+03:00

Yes, I am home, in Tartu, in my room, enjoying the vast amount of personal space, stretching from the balcony to the kitchen, spending time with myself and until a few minutes ago chatting to my favorite person in the whole world.

I just spent a (relatively) relaxing week at the country, read a lot, discovered the True Blood books which are really surprisingly good and not thrown into the shadows by the series.

Also discovered Game of Thrones, awesome series, not sure if I have time for the books though.

Also got to write a new book review to write in the internet journal. The book ("Feuer" by Chaim Noll) was quite thought-provoking so I have lots to write about.

And, I have a lot of salmon in my fridge so sitting and reading and occasionally browsing and going out to walk and run errands is just the quiet casual life I was hoping for while here. It takes my mind off the worries I have and lets me relax my brain for challenging thesis-writing days to come.

Ah, and I spent some cash on a new tattoo today. That needle-feeling is a thing I love.
All in all, a good life indeed!

I wont be idealistic here, of course I just cry and cry some evenings because my Love is far away. But one has to deal, and there are worse problems in this world. We will prevail!

:-)

(:

2011-06-04T13:39:00.002+03:00

Apparently complaining is an effective method to fix things.
All is well again.

Keegi hea

2011-06-03T23:36:00.002+03:00

täna öösel keegi sinust just näeb und
täna öösel keegi kondab sinu unes
vaid sinu jaoks on kuskil keegi mõeldes, et kuhu sa jääd?
kuhu sa jääd?
vaid sinu jaoks on kuskil keegi hea

täna öösel keegi kuskil otsib sind, kuid ei leia
sinu silmi, sinu lõhn ja sinu hääl
et sinu jaoks on kuskil keegi mõeldes, et kuhu sa jääd?
kuhu sa jääd?
vaid sinu jaoks on kuskil keegi hea

vaid sinu jaoks on kuskil keegi mõeldes, et kuhu sa jääd, et kuhu sa jääd?
et sinu jaoks on kuskil keegi, keegi hea
keegi hea, keegi hea

Oeh.
Hetkel ma ei tea, kus mu Kallim on ja kas tal läheb hästi.
Aga loomulikult on vaja valida selline, kes hetkeseisuga ühes maailma kriitilisemas piirkonnas pesitseb. Ja just sel hetkel, kui tema naabruses püssidega onud ringi tõmblevad pea iga päev, peab tema koju tagasi minema.

Mõeldes
et kuhu sa jääd....

Aga kui elu oleks lihtne, oleks elu igav. Amor vincit omnia. Mul on veel usku piisavalt. :-)

2011-05-31T22:47:00.002+03:00

Playing sports, falling down, getting blue and black and dirty and laughing about it is so fun.

There is a lot of simple fun in this life.

But I still prefer to exit home with the red lipstick, not without it.

There is a lot of complicated fun in this life.

I am filling my days well.

If only now I could get up to do something productive for more than 15 minutes.

:-]

B-)

2011-05-29T23:11:00.004+03:00

I am the KING!

Impressing pre-presentation of master's thesis in company of much more matured academical colleagues: success!

Having an awesome night out dancing and looking and feeling perfect: success!

Effective and fast overcoming of consequential hangover: success!

After weeks of hard work I have rewarded myself with Holiday Weekend, emptying my fridge and watching The Good Wife. I also started Mad Men but am not very impressed.

Awaiting tomorrow: Return to the Library. Not happy with that detail.

My Love is once more gone far, far away, but I'll see him soon. I remember every single moment of laughter and tenderness, so overcoming the distance is getting easier and easier. Love conquers all.

Even sooner, I'll be home with my lovely friends and family. And although at home wine is not cheap, at least smoking is.

Life is good!

road-trippin' -> book-hittin' -> hip-shakin' -> rest-takin'

2011-05-14T13:43:00.003+03:00

Summer has come and taken me to new fun places like Wiesbaden, which is a lovely city filled with majestic buildings, but also has restaurants with majestic prices.
I have also discovered my new all-time favourite restaurant - Thai Express! It provides huge portions for a good price and is one of the tastiest chinese places I have been to, and I've visited a fair amount of them.

Life has been busy because as I recently realized, a master's thesis won't write itself and this is why I am spending 8 hours of the day in the library (I have to do a pre-presentation of the thesis on the 23.), about 6-7 hours in bed and the rest of the time feeding and cleaning myself and my surroundings. Man, humans are disgusting creatures..

Anyway, as busy as this time is, it is also a most happy one, since my Love surprisingly had to sit himself into a plane a while ago and I am privileged enough to enjoy his company for at least a couple more days.

As if my timetable couldn't get any more crowded, my mother visited me for a great week of trippin' in different Cities of Hessen (+ Heidelberg, which is in Baden-Württemberg), good food and lots of champagne and wine!
The Alcohol-Free Month Of April has ended, but a real party in the brain-cell-killing department didn't happen until yesterday when I we danced the night away.

Yes, I get one day off per week. Today it's resting and updating my worried fans about the reasons of my M.I.A. tomorrow it's back to the books.

In other news: comin' home on the 8.6., so if anyone wants to see me, let yourself be heard.

Movies, AFMOA

2011-04-05T13:59:00.003+03:00

I've really come full circle in these dorms.
Yesterday a new guy came over to borrow some movies and the first thing he noticed is how much stuff I have in here.
The first thing when I visited another person's room on my starting out time here was how filled their room looked and how empty mine was.
Life does go on, doesn't it?

Now, about all of these Oscar movies. People lost a lot of arms this time around!
(if you've seen them, you know what I'm talking about)

True Grit is one of the first ones I have to give praise to, since Hailee Steinfeld, who did this as her first movie, does a great job playing a serious, independent 14-year-old girl, who alongside Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon goes to avenge the murderer of a father.
This movie goes beyond the usual western scenery - really the shooting scenes are not as impressive as the communication between the characters, some of the comedy, the tragic ending and the friendships forming.
All of the three, and the supporting cast, do a wonderful job in portraying in-depth characters, who all change and influence each other. Most beautiful is of course the relationship between Bridges and Steinfeld, which keeps surprising you until the very end.

127 hours was not what I expected. I expected to see more of Aron Ralston's (played by James Franco) life before the accident happened and more of what happened after he got out. But in retrospect it is good they kept it down to a minimum to just show what it was like, the main focus in this movie was the psychological hell he goes through while trapped under a rock.
I had been afraid the movie was going to be slow, but it was not. James Franco holds his audience throughout the whole movie and presents a wonderful - well rather just honest and deep, the artistic range is wonderful here but not the contents of the movie - falling apart of a character between life and death.
The movie had me look away for a moment, but older and tougher men have confessed to also not stare at certain scenes, thus I do not mind.
All in all I was quite impressed with Franco, who had so far done a great job in Spider-Man, Milk or Eath, Pray, Love but went from a position in the background right to the center of attention now. He truly is one of the great ones, having a wide range of characters played.

The King's Speech was really a beautifully made movie, and a great example as to how a story where not much happens can be made into something amazing with great camera work and great actors. The main attraction here is the interaction between Geoffrey Rush and Colin Firth, who develop quite the friendship, and also keep surprising each other along the way of Colin Firth making his final speech.
The beauty of this movie is to show that every person is flawed and the journey and hard work to better yourself, be it for yourself or to support a whole nation, has been shown in a very moving manner indeed.
I do think this is rather not a movie for everyone as True Grit certainly and 127 hours most likely would be.

Black Swan - I think I have already given ms. Portman and ms. Kunis their praise for the roled in Black Swan, a most well-done psychological drama and artistical masterpiece of dance, showing the crises a ballet-dancer goes through and what a hard life it is, also one woman's struggle with her inner darkness.
It is a piece bordering on psychological drama, symbolism, surrealism, dance movie and horror. All these elements together might be confusing if used extensively, but the directors and editors have found just the right balance to make everything work together.
spoiler: The final performance where Natalie Portman turns into the black swan, is a very, very powerful scene. I kept watching it over and over again.

Now, about other movies I have recently filled my time with:

All Good Things - The performance by Ryan Gosling, being a melancholic and traumatized child with more hate than love for the world, and Kirsten Dunst being the pure, loving girl who gets abused by this hate, having done nothing to deserve it, is quite capturing. These actors play their parts well. Sadly there is something that goes missing along the movie - I don't know if it's the voice-over by an older Gosling - Why? why? - or the confusing ending, but it doesn't quite convince. Some of the potential ideas to play out in this are to be realized and because this was based on a true story, perhaps someone should have thought his realization through a bit better. However, still kudos on Ryan Gosling, whose acclaimed acting skills I have now noticed, and to Kirsten Dunst, although it really doesn't do much for her character range, since she has done unhappy wife before and thus knows well how to play this kind of person. However, she seems to have developed so I was not disappointed in her.

Red Riding Hood - I wondered how they would turn this into a sexy mystery-fantasy movie with more to offer than Amanda Seyfried's big blue eyes. The idea here is that the wolf is really a werewolf and there turns out to be a quite curious connection between it and red riding hood. Nevertheless this performance for Seyfried is for me just her resting on her laurels and playing Chloe once more, while showing a bit of angst due to the fact that her love interest is not to be realized, since she lives in a time where parents get to have the final say and one first courts the father, then the daughter.
I missed a great deal of character depth here, but there is a mystery, some action and the rooting for the different love interests of "Red Riding Hood", also the intense character of Solomon who comes to help catch the werewolf and whose character presents itself as suspicious until it's end.
On the whole, not bad to watch, if you are quite bored.

How Do You Know - now this I don't know why anyone in their right mind would watch. It's Reese Witherspoon playing Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson playing Owen Wilson, and what's his name stirring it up a bit. There is no depth and no surprises besides the usual comedic puns a la Owen Wilson and the romantic ending, and although the dialogues, especially the typical drunk-talk present a bit more honesty and layer in Witherspoons character, it just leaves me with no emotion and no great deal of interesting aspects to mention.
Sadly, another romantical comedy.

Never Let Me Go - they always say that the book is better than the movie. In this case, I think the both work together quite well. Reading the book first would be recommended, though. The sneaky way of mr. Ishiguro to describe what happens from a quite factual point of view and let the reader realize what heavy emotional burdens lie on all of the characters, is great, and one should first go through this experience. Then you can watch the movie and see how the great performances of Carey Mulligan, Keira Knightley and That Guy show you these burdens in an explicit way. The movie also gives a point of view from the teachers of Hailsham and shows how the outside world reacts to them, which is also pointed to in the book, but not so explicit.
A good movie. Very good along with the book. Also I would have to give kudos on the adaption, which changes some small details exactly right so they would work better in the movie, while leaving the story to live as it did in the book. Well done!

My life here goes on along the normal dorm-library-lecture-library-theatre-dorm route.
The weather in Marburg leaves me unhappy as it comes in sun and rain disputes - in the morning the sun might shine, in the evening you better put your coat on, or you will freeze and shiver.

I am on some days working hard, on some days hardly working, but in the end my professor is happy with the development of my thesis, I will keep trying my best to move on with it and get it done. Hopefully most of it by the 8.6., when I fly to lovely Estonia.

Also, I have once more realized AFMOA - Alcohol-Free Month Of April. I know you're not supposed to include "of", as it is a "small word", but I prefer not to discriminate. Every day of complete soberness is a day of healthy brain-cell activity!
Although Anne did put it in a great story: as the lion who is chasing the herd of antelopes, catches the weakest one, because it is slower than the rest of the herd, alcohol filters the brain cells.
If only it were so.

I miss my man, who has gone to his home for the time being, but as an eternal optimist the saying stands: amor vincit omnia.
If any of you girls who miss their men have good tips how to get the time to pass in a fast, fun way, let me know. All help is appreciated.

Still, a beautiful cherry tree blossoms right in front of my window.
And the sun shines through the clouds!
:-)

The longest post title of 2011: Diet and exercise and clothing and other females' stuff; also, proof that on some level I am a closeted sociophobe

2011-03-27T18:58:00.007+03:00

This is mainly for the females .

I came across an article today, advising women how to boost their confidence.
To never wear a low cleavage or ill-fitting clothes to work, is quite logical and should be pressed on young women.
But really this is really quite a sad article as it suggests to behave as normal as possible when on a first date and underlines the importance of small talk.
Or do I just find it sad because I could never achieve that level of groomed normality?
Who knows,
anyway, here is the summary from the end:

SIX QUICK TRICKS TO GIVE YOU A LIFT

* Take all those clothes that are too small for you to the charity shop. Gazing at wannabe smaller sizes every time you open your wardrobe door is like punching yourself in the eye on a daily basis.
* Stop keeping clothes for ‘best’ — wear them regularly.
* Smile. Whether you feel like smiling or not, it makes you feel and look better, and other people respond better to you as well.
* Stop comparing your life with other people, especially celebrities. Most of them are worried sick about slipping down the charts or not getting offered the best roles. Their self-obsession means that they are rarely capable of holding down a happy and loving relationship.
* Write a proper diary, on paper with a pen. Imagine it’s being written for the future you and make it a good account of your life, filled with humour and positive insights. Make your tone brave and optimistic. Adopting this writing style will enable you to change your perspective of what’s happening to you.
* Compliment yourself. Out loud. In the mirror or during your working day.

(Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1368793/Boost-confidence-Simple-tricks-bold.html#ixzz1HoeVf8Mg)

As you can see from here, I ain't gonna write no diary on paper anymore. Except my recent traveling diaries.
However harsh this list might be on celebrities, it is sad and true that people including myself who has always been a perfectionist, are obsessed with becoming similar to a photoshopped picture.

And yes, I also buy clothes for "the time when I will be exercising regularly more and lose 10 pounds" - especially when I find something in the second hand shops where they only have one item in one size.

But that's ok!

I have found my personal perfect "healthy" lifestyle to be like this: when eating in a very healthy manner (which I try to do always, when going shopping, say no to the salami and yes to the mortadella, no to the meat and yes to the chicken, no to the sausages and yes to the fish, no to the chocolate and yes to the grapes), try to go for long walks daily or at least every second day. While having the beer-pizza-cake-phase, go jogging, do some pilates or at least some basic exercises - a whole set of b-b-b (belly-bum-biceps) takes less than 30 minutes.
Also drink a lot of water or light mint tea. they work wonders for the skin.

Keep healthy snacks in the fridge, avoid junk but have it every once in a while.
I have yet to figure out what these mythical creatures might be - how can a carrot be a snack, it's a friggin' vegetable! 'Healthy snack' is an oxymoron really, BUT it is possible to choose the healthies snack possible. like ice cream or dark chocolate or juice. or any light dairy product (although there one should always check the sugar levels).

April will be the no-alcohol month again since it just goes so well with my schedule. And does miracles for the skin.

So now you know how to easily stay healthy. Well, what I call healthy at least.

Also, I believe that mechanism of compensation totally justifies smoking, alcohol, junk food and lazyness if they are not all combined over a long period.

Ha!

2011-03-11T14:13:00.001+02:00

Victory!

After today's last-minute turned in paper, all obligatory academical achievements have been made!

Celebratory monthly shower has been taken!

So, what follows?

Well, there is the tiny small detail of a 80-100 page master thesis somewhere in the background...

but for now, as Gogol Bordello puts it in his sexy Slavic accent:

Party!

Of course there was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus Christ

2011-03-09T13:54:00.002+02:00

You better know what movie that knowledge comes from.
It was a funny one!

Anyway, my recent rant goes towards the weather of marburg.

Dear Weather of Marburg,
what the f#@! ?
Is it not enough to shock your recipients with snowfall during the evening to completely melt it down and let the sun shine on our noses the next day, now you have to go from nice and warm to friggin' freezin' in half a day?
No wonder half of us in here are sick. Including me. Which obviously is not good, since on Friday until 12 AM I have to turn in my last written paper.

Ahhhhhh. Last. Written. Paper.
Which of course means that the time pressure has to be bigger than ever. So here I am, two days to go.... and, well, I've written a bit but it's gonna be a sleepless 48 hours, I feel.

It is motivating though to see all the other students failing pathetically with our printers (and they do suck but I already know what to do in ink and paper crises, as I have had many of those) and type away on their little laptops with pressure, panic and a little bit of hopelessness in their eyes.
AHAHAHAHA!

But... as a master's degree student I have to bring more to the table than the little ones and thus have to present my paper earlier than them.
So.. I guess this realisation adds a little pinch of panic to my eyes as well.

And to add to the motivation problem and the time problem, which all of the sudden present themselves simultaneously, I received my hair dye package today. Yes, I use the same Wella© hair dye my hair dresser does. Apparently here you really can order anything from the Internet, although in the manual it says - for professional use only. Oh well. What can go wrong.
Haha. Now let's hope I didn't jinx anything with that.

Seeya!

Realms

2011-03-02T22:49:00.002+02:00

My time in Germany has been a time of many firsts: during my stay here I've bought my first corset, experienced my first gothic festival, written my first piece of lay journalism slash book review. Also, I've gotten my first pot plants (excluding my cactus at home, because come on, that thing won't die, no matter what you put it through), my first bikini wax and my first Thai massage.

Now the pot plants will probably wither away because I am no good with them - and have always preferred flowers, not dirt and leaves, as a present. Also, I will probably never again subject myself to hot wax, ever.
But a small Thai woman is a nice thing to succumb to! Tiny people who put you under massive amounts of pain - in case you don't exercise and stretch regularly, ha ha ha Amer - are interesting. Furthermore, they have tiny cute soft voices and their language sounds like small girls playing in a sandbox. And I don't mean those mean eastern European girls who fight for the last sand cake. I mean nice pink-dress ribbon-bow little sweet enough to eat girls. This just adds to the soothing experience of a Thai massage!

However, as some friends have also pointed out, the Asian people see themselves as a separate group and won't really accept other races as trusted persons. A friend of mine spent enough months in Asia to be able to fathom this, and these women were just reminiscent of his words. They talk about my boyfriend behind his back because he doesn't speak German, and then obviously they talk about us behind our backs because, hey, I missed those Thai lessons back in school.

As I will probably not have a deep understanding and sympathy with the Asian people, my admiration for their culture and traditions remain, especially since my mother is going to China and I sincerely hope for a real kimono for my birthday.
Most of all I admire the Japanese tea ceremonies, the geisha culture, the detail and devotion these people put into food, clothing themselves and drinking tea!

In addition to that I love Japanese movies. So today I decided to finish what started about a year ago, the fascination with Nagisa Oshima, who tells rather curious and unorthodox love stories. Some time ago I watched Realm of the Senses where a couple searches for various ways to pleasure themselves until they try strangulation and to satisfy the woman, the man lets her strangle him to death. She cuts off his penis to keep his.. um, well, to her his heart, I guess. A manifestation of physical love and quite sick a movie, yet with a deep understanding of a real physical pain that can overwhelm one when the one the heart and the soul and the body want, is not around.

A day or two ago I continued with Empire of Passion, another Oshima movie about a married woman who is left lonely by her rickshaw-driving husband, who works hard all day and comes home to get drunk and go to sleep. She lets herself be seduced by a younger man and finally they kill her husband.
Up until that point the movie is great and beautiful, but then the love story turns into a ghost story as the ghost of the man starts hunting them and showing himself to her daughter in her dreams, telling her the whereabouts of his body. The woman goes pretty insane and in the end tries to burn herself inside her house. Finally, the couple are arrested and beaten, until the very end of their 100 beatings with a bamboo stick do they confess, both insisting it was just them, not the other.
It's a good story and is beautifully wrapped up, but a weird string of a commenting voice starts pulling the second half of the movie, confusing people. Also, the ghost-sequences are not that well done. Sadly. But most of the movie - very enjoyable.

Today I continued with Max, Mon Amour - actually an american-british-french project, directed by Oshima, about a married woman who falls in love with a monkey named Max. The psychological capacity of love between different species is explored here, not only on an emotional, but also on a scientific level, which makes it even more intriguing to see the husband, who by the way is keeping a woman on the side himself, go mad with jealousy and at the same time be a friend to his wife and help her take care of the chimp.
Sadly we never see the woman have sex with the animal - I guess mr. Oshima's erotical freedom is most exploited in "Senses" and goes back from there on. Interestingly enough all of these are the latest movies of Oshima - I guess I should take myself back to the earliest creations.

I finished my Oshima Week with Taboo, a movie about homosexual love, lust and passion amongst a samurai school in the military. The beauty of male jealousy, childlike love confession and cold rejection, murdering one's rival - all of that is given a whole new perspective through the male eye and especially through the military surroundings. Interestingly enough it is not allowed to borrow money and to dress in civil suit for a samurai, for this is a great shame and should be punished with self-disembowelment (harakiri or seppuku). About homosexuality, however, at least the code of the Shinsegumi says nothing.
A great watch, perhaps the best of Oshima's work I've seen so far, very tightly followed by "Realm".

From the above stated you would perhaps conclude that I have not been studying as I should be. You couldn't be more wrong! These days somehow just prove to be awesomely efficient for me.
Spring is knockin' on the door and warm rays of sun make a good fresh motivating start for a day.

:-)

old Hollywood

2011-02-28T16:29:00.003+02:00

... was a glamorous, witty, stylishly sophisticated world.

I mean, how about this funny, flirty dialog right here!

"That's quite a dress you almost have on."
-"Thanks!"
"What holds it up?"
-"Modesty."

But why, oh whyyyy do all of the lovely light and funny and sweet romantic movies have to be filled with singing and dancing for at least half of the movie time?

in My Fair Lady and The Sound of Music it didn't bother me since I watched them as a younger girl.
But now watching movies like Gigi or An American in Paris is just a pain since I have to scroll through all of the jolly gay music sequences.
I am at least in luck so far as to play the movies on the computer where scrolling forward is at least a possibility. Not on the TV, where it would be sheer torture.

Still, old Hollywood is a magical place, where I will be returning often.

and then a raccoon came

2011-02-27T14:31:00.000+02:00

I finally understand the raccoon jokes of which I had to hear so many back in the day.
Thank you, Friends season 9.

My internship of six weeks has ended. During that time I read 12 books, wrote short texts on 7 authors, browsed through at least 20 manuscripts (including readig at least 4 complete manuscripts), edited a 60-page text (which by the way took me about four whole days to finish) and, not to forget, packed about 1000 postcards.

Such fun!

The semester has ended, the sun is shining, and although my happiness will be cut short in no time, I do think the spring and the freedom to just breathe and sit myself into the grass with a book will help get over what might just as well be the most difficult time of my live.

In any case, happy and in love, yours truly.

Also, very happy for Natalie Portman, who so very much deserves her Oscar.

:-)

(Witty and entertaining blog posts are most probable to follow in a few weeks)

Opossums and Crumpets

2011-02-13T13:53:00.002+02:00

Now this is just adorably stupidly hilarious. Klick on this:

A cross-eyed, overweight opossum has won an unlikely starring role in coverage of this year's Oscars.

And also I discovered something so funny, so sad and yet so truthful and on-the-spot.
Here's the Oscar-winning short animation Harvie Krumpet, narrated by Geoffrey Rush.
Enjoy!
Which fact is your favorite?

2011-02-10T11:58:00.002+02:00

Today I discovered I have a birthmark on the inside of my right palm.
Not only do I know of no one who has a birthmark inside of their palms, this one is an addition to the one inside my left palm.

So, obviously the chinese have a lot to say about these things.
According to a lovely site, I have the following:

Mole 6: This is the sign of a very ambitious person with big dreams. If there are other indications of success on your palm or paht chee chart, you could rise to great prominence.

Mole 26: A woman with unstable characteristics will have this mole. She will also have a tendency to overspend.

Love the first idea. Not great prominence, but perhaps the fact that I am allowed to do what I like to do and actually keep the bread on the table by doing that and only that.
About the 2nd... well, every woman is kind of unstable. Me - yeah, sometimes a lot, but I'm hoping to keep progressing towards growing out of that.
Oh, and when I rise to great prominence I will have the means to overspend.
So all in all - yay!

What kind of birthmarks do you have?

Here's an image of what they are talking about, for guys and gals:

And here are the other numbers. Scroll down for a view of the backsides.

Have fun! :-)

neben mir

2011-02-08T23:40:00.002+02:00

I finally figured out why I have always had this unexplainable love for oriental music. Not because of the pretty clothes, the pretty make-up or the pretty long hair. And also not because I have such superior hearing skills that only 1/4 tone-music is up to my standards.

Because before bodies meet, souls already know it.
I have been prepared! :-)

If only I'd been prepared in my other skills including patience, poise and kindness. Thank God other people around me possess more of these skills.
So much to learn, so little time...

Anyway, this week I confronted my fear of the outer world - remember Chandler from Friends who jokes when he is uncomfortable, which is pretty much all the time? Well, a large bit of time, this has been me lately. Those of you who remember me when I was 16 would not believe this, but I think my apathy towards the outer world in this new environment has been, among other things, due to fear.
So on Monday after a while of not communicating with them because they are older and different from me, I decided to have breakfast with my colleagues.
Today I chatted up two young men who have been impressing me at school.

Back to my old self again.

So much to learn!

And it was a beautiful, sun-filled day.

In other news: had a test today. Went well. Just 2,5 weeks of internship and one written paper of at least 25 pages to go.
And then hello, relaxation week!

Also in other news: my mother is going to China for three weeks. Any ideas for cool souvenirs she could bring me?

Also in other news: I am so totally going to write a book. In English and in German at the same time. But that's a secret. I don't have time in the next six months for it. Or it will just block all the academical things I need to do out totally and ruin my future. Wooo!

Anyway, I hope the snow is backing off at home
and I miss you all.

xoxo!

Oh yeah, and just for you, here's an artsy picture of me.
You are welcome.

Seeya!

Kinder sind die Rettung ihrer Eltern

2011-02-06T19:11:00.005+02:00

Franz Kafka says that children are the salvation or the rescue of their parents. Well, in that case I sure wish I got some soon because as the result of being not wanted by one parent and only part-time loved by the other because of her workaholic tendencies, I have the occasional mental breakdown.
Just to let you know. I don't think all people know this about me. I think only my boyfriends are allowed to see how mental exactly I am.

Anyway, I've been doing an internship at the Francke publishing house in Marburg. It's fun since I get to read manuscripts and tell the editor about their pros and cons, basically meaning I can read books and criticize them all. day. long. ha!
On one hand having to work through all the crap people think is worth being published is a waste of time, although somebody has to do it, on the other hand sometimes there are really good things that people should totally invest their money in. Of course, luckily I don't get to be responsible for that, I just get to point out that this would probably be awesome if published.

I am also not happy about turning into a caffeine addict because of having to wake up at 7:30 every morning - no, I still don't like the stuff, I just drink it because otherwise my eyes would remain shut -, but that will fade once I finish the 2nd half of my six weeks and get to sleep whenever I want. Ah, a bright future. Well, no, really a dark one because who could sleep in brightness?

Another good hobby of mine is napping at work. My desk is between two people who have their backs at me so there is no problem in stealing 15 minutes for the sandman. Actually this only happened once, but it felt gooood, so I might try and do it again if I get sleep-deprived from visiting seminars and doing the internship at the same time.

Doing two internships has been a mighty good experience, since now I believe my true calling lies in writing, as in journalism and academical writing, which means I should pursue the path of becoming a professor after all. In any case I want to pursue an academical career further. However working at a publishing house would finance me already and make life a lot easier. Maybe both at the same time... I am wonder woman, after all - but that's between me and you guys, ok?
So yeah, professional dilemmas over here. But life will solve them for me. All in God's hands.

And... where did the weekend go? I had two lovely evenings with my criminally handsome boyfriend, studied for a couple of hours, and already the sun has set and left me with little time before I need to start making salad as means to not starve during the 8 1/2 hours of the internship day. Oh, and did I mention I have a test on Tuesday? I'm so busy I forgot about it until yesterday evening.

In any case it is still very cold here, especially in my room, so I am waiting for the spring, as are probably most of you. I am anxiously watching the developments in the Arab world and keeping my fingers crossed for the heat to blow over by the time I plan to visit.
I also keep my fingers crossed for other things but that's a secret...

so many happy waves to all of you and at the end of my busyness I shall rise again! With even more sarcastic remarks about the world around me! Yay!

Yours Truly

There and back again

2011-01-11T16:27:00.001+02:00

The Dialogue of Buddha and the Shepherd

the shepherd: My meal is ready, I have milked my ewes. The door of my hut is bolted,
my fire is alight. And you, sky, can rain as much as you please!
buddha: I no longer need food or milk. The winds are my shelter, my fire is out. And
you, sky, can rain as much as you please!

the shepherd: / have oxen, I have cows, I have my father's meadows and a bull who
covers my cows. And you, sky, can rain as much as you please!
buddha: / have neither oxen, nor cows, I have no meadows. I have nothing, I fear
nothing. And you, sky, can rain as much as you please!

the shepherd: 1 have a docile and faithful shepherdess. For years she has been my
wife; I am happy when I play with her at night. And you, sky, you can rain as much as
you please!

So - who cares what I did during the last weeks.
I am and remain, truly happy.

Well well well

2010-12-21T18:32:00.002+02:00

A couple of weeks ago I was at the peak of my academical awesomeness - sneaking nine-syllable-words into seminar discussions and be the only person besides the professor to make smart remarks about a guest lecture in the end of it.
Now I have started my slow decay into christmas holiday laziness. I have a presentation tomorrow and so far not one word of what exacly it is I would like to present to my fellow students. I have a concept but regarding specifications of that concept I should still work out a grid of arguments.
Oh well, there is still time.

Also, everyone who wishes to see me in Tartu (or Tallinn) the next few weeks better put your hands together and pray a bit for the snow here in Germany to back off just enough to let my flight get to Riga. And then from Riga to Tallinn.
Coming home for a few days would be very nice.

So hopefully see you in a bit.
In any case, have a lovely Christmas.

Yours truly

Bescheuertheitsgrenze

2010-12-07T13:18:00.003+02:00

"Bescheuertheitsgrenze" means something like the edge of idiocy. It isn't a word you would find in the Duden but someone who is "bescheuert" basically is completely daft.
I love to take this word to describe idiotic situations because in this description they pass the "Bescheuertheitsgrenze" - they go beyond the limit of daftness and turn into something even more worthless crappy crap.

I also love the word "Vollidiot" - in german one can describe someone as an "Idiot" - idiot, duh - but there is a superlative (I wouldn't name it a comparative form because it is pretty much the top of the mountain) form: you can say "Vollidiot". It basically means someone is a total or a complete idiot. Said in english you would use something else or just say idiot - we don't have to be that mean, right? Well, the germans do and I love to use that word as well.

All of the sudden I have recently found a new appreciation for the german people too. Somehow after spending a year in this weird solitude and parading myself to have not many friends over here, I have started opening up to those who live in the rooms on my floor and actually started sharing the conversations in the kitchen. Smalltalk can be fun, who knew! Besides, you are a part of the talk so there is always the opportunity to take it beyond smalltalk.
An unexpected but welcomed development in my character.

Christmas is on our doorsteps and I have only bought certain kinds of presents for people. I should probably go christmas shopping soon, the only problem is that whenever I buy presents I also buy chocolate to accompany them and if I don't wrap everything (which I won't because I am a lazy kitten these days) I will just secretly start eating away all the yummy chocolate and then have to go and buy them all over again.
But nevermind the presents and snacks, another new thing I am trying to make a custom of (practising it for the 3rd year now) is mulled wine, hot toddy or just hot wine. Glühwein in german, hõõgvein in estonian. It is the one thing that after just half a cup makes you just the right amount of merry. And that's what you should be at christmas time, merry. So, if you're having trouble getting into the spirit, just go and drink some mulled wine. Who cares if you have a lecture in the evening, maybe you'll get some really good ideas!
As a friend explained to me, alcohol shuts down the critical part of your brain so you are very much open for new ideas - hence the typical scenario "oh my god oh my god what an AWESOME idea!" - which will of course make you seem like a Vollidiot in the morning but in the evening still seems oh so AWESOME.
However, considering thinking outside of the box a bit of alcohol to trigger this process is not a bad idea.
And to kill your raising suspicions - I haven't been drinking today. So shhhh.

I am eagerly awaiting all the hugs from my friends in Tartu, drinking wine with everybody and braving the estonian winter - it is cold over here in Marburg too, but I know what you guys are doing over there.
I also want to go ice skating in the Lõunakeskus. Over here you either go to Frankfurt and pay way too much or go into a tiny ice hall in Marburg with shitty skates and crappy ice and also pay too much.
Now the problem with these plans is the current climate and heaps of snow that are reportedly disturbing traffic all over Europe. Since now the heaps are melting again I am not so nervous, but what if they start regrouping next week? Will I even get to Riga? What if the trains are late? Various panic scenarios cross my mind. So I really hope to be able to make it home for christmas.

In any case I have decided to make my mum merrier too and go home for her birthday (29.6.) which means I will probably (since I don't really care about it I won't prioritise it to my other plans) be home for my birthday. Of course I also might be in Turkey, Jordan or Syria - but at least I plan to spend a month home.
So, I will most certainly be attending Hard Rock Laager 2011!
Since I have the most awesome friends I am getting a ticket for christmas.
Already having fun in my head thinking about it.

Alrighty. That's my thoughts for today. Time to do some academical things now.
See y'all soon. If the weather agrees with me, of course...
xoxo

Democracy is an abuse of statistics

2010-11-28T20:56:00.003+02:00

Mr. Borghes, whose rather bold quote this blog remembers - and agrees with - is a great writer. Him, Marquez and Pessoa had proven to me that spanish literature is a force to be reckoned with and an experience to be seeked.

My new obsession is Mario Vargas Llosa. Herta Müller, who got the Nobel prize last year, was given to me as a Christmas present, and as enthusiasm accompanied my read, it soon diminished as she quite clearly is nothing for my taste.

Also, a recently made aquintance who seems to know very exactly what he is talking about, expressed his general scepticism on the recipients of the Nobel prize in literature.

And as Llosas development and mastering of the description of mind, weaving of narrative and creating a suspense that just doesn't let you put the book down, no matter it's number of pages and your limited sleeping time - the experience is just great.

I will talk about this in a more thorough way in the estonian book blog I keep, probably next week.

Just to let y'all know, though - here stands a firm admirer of Llosa.

Almost a month has passed since I reported where life has taken me these days. This is partially... well rather primarily because the begin of a semester, the participation in an internship and the research for two papers for seminars whose professors I like and therefore wish to impress - summa summarium, I've been in and out of the library in these past weeks.

My internship ended and altogether it has been a great experience, teaching me about newest literature (and among other rewarding literary excursions, lead me to Llosa), introduced me to some interesting people and further improved my german.

I still hear the surprise every time I mention german is not my native tongue (coming here I used to proudly exclaim it, now I prefer to ignore the subject of origin for as long as possibe), but the truth I get from the professors is that for someone who studies german literature, my expression is astonishing if one considers I'm not a native speaker, nevertheless if considered with the same expectations they have for the german students, lacking a bit of something. Being the perfectionist I am, my wish is to terminate these problems. The progress towards this goal has been gradually coming along since my very first written paper, and really good lately.

Winter is officially here and since Marburg is inside a valley between mountains, I have and have used the opportunity to climb up a mountain for 20 minutes and enjoy a beautiful view of the landscape while enjoying freshly made lapsang souchong from my thermos.

I have also, as is customary when the climate suddenly flips, aquired a flu, a cough and a slight fever accompaning these last trips in the silent nature, however I say with confidence that it is worth it. The human body gets accustomed to anything, so a little cold shouldn't do anything serious to a girl from almost-Scandinavia.

As many of you, I, too, have been to see the newest Harry Potter movie, which can easily be dubbed the best of the bunch so far - finally there is a firm balance between cinematical effects, authentic narrative and development of character. I very much look forward to the last movie and to watching the whole seventh book together. The ca. five hours will be rewarding, I am sure of it.

The experience was even greater because I watched the movie in the biggest movie theatre I have yet been in, and me and Amer were the only guests that evening. That could have had to do with the fact that it was an english version and the time was almost midnight when the movie began. So really the best movie experience so far.

I have at last made Frankfurt my own as well - it has taken me a year to finally start freely roaming around in the subway and on the streets of the capital of Hessen. For Estonia Tartu is not considered a small town and I know my way around most of Tallinn, too (although the old town still provides the option to get lost - fun, not irritating), and Frankfurt doesn't even have a million inhabitants, but still, until now, meant unknown territory for me. The last week has changed that and I think from now on I will use the opportunity to travel inside Hessen for free much, much more.

I have been on the move quite a lot, actually - in addition to Göttingen I visited Dana in Leipzig. And it is interesting how every conversation we have had over these times in Germany when we so rarely see each other proves to be of such quality emotionally and intellectually. It is given, really, because when we were in Estonia we met at least once a week, sometimes daily, and always had the world to talk about, never stopping for silence, and this for the last fourteen years. This is what friendship feels like.

And this is also the answer to my recently haunting question: do I really need to find new friends everywhere I go? Is it necessary to go and chill with a bunch of people in a bar or anywhere on the weekends?

I love exchanging links with an undertone and plans for the next time home with my two best girls in Tartu. I know Anne will be the first person I see after I arrive in Tartu, as I know Ingel will very probably spend New Year's with me and if not, have tea with me on more than one occasion. As I love talking to Dana in Skype, even if that nowadays sometimes happens only once every two weeks.

When one has established such good friendships, to each a specific and strong connection, I think it's normal not to be on the lookout for more.

So this is why in Germany my few hobbies include Amer and my bookshelf.

Why am I even laying this down right now? Because last Christmas when I went home the first question about Germany I got was: have you made many friends there? This question came from the younger sister of my then-boyfriend, whom I hadn't really ever talked to more than a couple of sentences, but somehow has been haunting me ever since.

I didn't make the effort to explain to her that my goal coming here is not to make many friends but to evolve and to keep my existing friends. She is a bit young, I know she would've understood, but I kept wondering if this makes me somehow odd in a negative way.

I've finally come to the conclusion it doesn't. I'm happy in the midst of my books, corresponding with my few real friends, and that's that.

Generally it's a quiet life over here anyway, especially now with the snow and the cold - better to stay inside with a warm cup of cozy than to go on the town in a short dress. As always, I have a million books to read - for my bookblog, for my seminars and the ones I discover along the way and also want to read. So for those of you to whom reading a book a week presents itself as a challenge, I advise you to just carry it around with you at all times - waiting for a bus/train/person or just between seminars it proves to be a very good friend.

But now you know I'm still alive and well - off to my two favourite pastimes once again.

Enjoy the snow!

Hurraaa!

2010-10-30T18:58:00.007+03:00

Side note: Russel Brand has the same pink salmar-kaweez-pants as I do. Iiinteresting. Or not really.

But anyway, I spent my first fun weekend with my lovely girlfriends in Göttingen. I'd been out for 3 minutes in the evening and already some guy asked me to a "very cool party for only selected people". Yeah I know, I'm rather aristocratic and his talk was intelligent, but this is the normal life in Göttingen.

Because from it's 111000 inhabitants over 20 000 are students and the city is always filled with students on bikes, students with beers, students sitting at cafés, students shopping... well, you get the idea.
I also found out that contrary to Hessen where you pay nil for study fees, in Göttingen the fee is 700€ pro semester. That's just crazy. I really hope there are no fees in Berlin as my future would maybe have me be there at some point.

Haha. side note: for the 1st time in my life I just walked into room 4. I live in room 3. The guy who lives there was surprised, and luckily not naked.
I can't stop laughing.

Göttingen is a real student town, especially for all of the Erasmus people, since the Erasmus students are known to go abroad for a semester of fun rather than studying. So the clubs are always open and so are the döner places, since a Göttingen party is finished off with a döner.
So we danced and had some drinks and it was fun, and now I look at my life and somehow a huge chunk of it has followed me to germany. some good friends are not far anymore, so this country is starting to look more like home. However, I have no idea where I will be living in a year so I'm always enjoying the beauty of today these days.

Have fun with it!
And get jiggy with it.
Oooooooohhhhh yeeeeeeaahhhhhh.

lol

2010-10-28T13:38:00.003+03:00

Well, okay, this doesn't really make me proud of my fellow christians.
But I pray in churches, mosques and temples so I guess I can laugh about this.
Although it's really very very sad. It's Jesus camp all over again.
I mean, whatever happened to love thy neighbor, love thy God and be a nice person?
But anyway, Here's Saving Lives & Unsaved Trash.
Kissing on a first date, is of course, not ok, but playing the ukulele is pret-ty awesome!
I wouldn't disagree, you know.

And what about that pastor Ezekiel? Yeahhhhh

Random

2010-10-25T23:39:00.002+03:00

* I got some beautiful phrases this weekend.
1) the last shirt you wear has no pockets.
2) We are never going to see each other this young again.
So - don't get caught up in material things, and make time for those important to you.

* It is so cold in my room I use a hairdryer to warm up my bed before actually falling asleep. Isn't that nice.

* Adam Lambert is such a loveable personality and a really talented singer. I recently discovered him and I'm addicted now.

* Nevermind where exactly and when I will be this summer but a large part of it will be away from Europe. I love that plan!

* I'm liking my internship so, so much. I would be happy to do work in a place like the one where I am now for those remaining five and a half weeks.

* I know some craaaaaaazy people (Michael, Gerald, Detlef, I hope all of those stay in my friends circle. Also, I haven't moved in older circles for a while.)

* I am so lucky to have found the most interesting, warm, spontaneous person on the whole planet, and to be allowed to make a home in his heart. I love you, Amer!

* I'm also newly addicted to Djarum Black cigarettes.

So - It is cold, but life is good!

Puhas lumi

2010-10-18T10:08:00.004+03:00

But muuuuum... I don't wanna go to school yet!

Today is the first day of my 6 week internship with literaturkritik.de, an online magazine for critical articles on literature. It is also published on paper and regularly read and appreciated in stasbourg, wales and notre dame, by the daad and the goethe institut. So I will have a lot of fun doing something that I like (presumably even might love) and get to meet some important people.

Still, I feel like the days have been sucked out of my life faster and faster, especially since we spent Saturday night dancing. It's good to have friends and it's even better to have friends who are there for you when needed.

Although I have been presented with some recent unhappiness in my life, I can't remain unhappy for long for whatever reason because my heart is filled with so much love. So today I view the world with a bit of sadness in my eyes, but still not missing an inch of it's beauty.

While people in the u.s. are fighting over ground zero, of which, after a bit of thought - well, a few weeks of thought - I now approve, seeing the building of a mosque and remembering the beautiful things about islam, not the terror that the people who abuse religion have brought into the world, as islam's second change, which we should give, because we all should believe in cultural dialogue and fight the bullies together. The world knows about the crusades, about Jonestown and about Jesus camp. As Mahatma Gandhi once said: I am a big fan of Jesus... don't like his followers though.
I hope you see some connections there, people. I believe in God, not religion. Of course I also believe in beheading some fanatic muslim people but never could I believe in discrimination based on any terms.

Here in Germany they are fighting about Stuttgart21, a new, modern train station which would make the connections with Europe better and the domestic connections slightly better but in return will ruin the almost ancient park because of need to pull out several trees in order to accommodate tunnels for the trains. Should people give up a chunk of the beauty in their town for slightly faster train rides? Now that I do not believe and every bit of the discussion on this is unveiling new things about the current government, making them more and more unlikable.
This is a quite good article about recent developments with Stuttgart21. (article in german)

But as Clutch sings, you can't stop progress. Of course building a train station which demolishes old beauty is really moral regress, but who ever reads the small print anyway.

Anyway, the fact that life's pace gets faster and faster by the day is best reminded to me by the simple fact that it's going to be November in two weeks. Wait, what? it just turned September. But that's the beauty of life all over the world - while you try and stand there and take it all in, it still keeps turning.
So I walk towards adulthood, learning forgiveness and staying true to what's right, to discover on the road that true love really does exist. Nothing less could be turning me into the graceful nature I am slowly becoming.
So - a bit fragile, but here's my smile to the world.

Wake up and smile, there's too much beauty here to keep sleeping. Life passes damn fast so take all you can get.

Yeah. So for me, on to school and internships and paperwork for my MA thesis.
..But.. but muuuuuuuum!

Booooooom

2010-10-08T01:09:00.003+03:00

There actually is the beautiful side of the so-called story where those guys, who don't have souls anymore and just kill if the price is right, go and make things right, not for money but for justice, yes very nice and beautiful, and you actually see the change in Sly's eyes good enough, and it's great.

But it remains one of those movies you watch when you don't feel like working them neurons up there much. Basically, if you'd take a shot of Tequila every time something or someone in the Expendables explodes, you will crawl out of the cinema. Aaand that's most of the plot. Yup.

Still, very fun to watch if you're up for a hellofalot of action, and a definite must for all Rocky fans out there. And I know you are plenty :-)

Ettepanekud ja kommentaarid, bla

2010-10-07T16:22:00.002+03:00

Kuna mu raamatublogi küsitlust nii lõbus meisterdada oli, teen sellesse blogisse ka küsitluse.
Suunatud eelkõige mu kodukeelsetele lugejatele, sest algselt oli mu maailm ju siiski suuremalt jaolt Eesti, nüüd olen Euroopa - ja natuke maailmakodanikuks saanud viimasel ajal.

Andke siis teada, kuidas mu kodukeelest võõrdumisse suhtute. Aitäh.

Ja olge tublid - loodan, et ka Eestis langevad lehed nii ilusti ja maailm on värve täis nagu Marburgis :-)

عادي

2010-10-06T22:08:00.002+03:00

No, people, I won't start posting onto my blog in arabic, I'm not that good in it. But still, my stay in Egypt taught me at least the basics of the alphabet and some useful phrases.

But anyway, autumn is here. I have an appreciation for all seasons (except the friggin' cold ones, luckily there's only on of those) and I love the sound of leaves when you walk through them, so I do enjoy walking to the philosophical faculties building and back home.

Sadly my days right now are not as filled with action as I'd like them to be, since my internship got postponed for a week and the semester also begins on the 18.10.

So, here I am, sitting around, reading, internet shopping (Burleska is awesome, I ordered on Sunday evening and got the things - from the UK! - on Wednesday), normal shopping, cooking, interior designing and doing all sorts of productive things.

The conception of time doesn't really touch me all too much, I wake up, do some things, read some things, watch some things, eat some things and go back to sleep. Yay. What a fun, motionless, monotone life.
I'm looking forward to the begin of the semester, because time goes faster, when busy and active, and even more looking forward to the end of October.

Have fun playing in the leaves!

Egypt

2010-10-04T01:22:00.011+03:00

To simplify the comparison between Egypt and Europe, I describe the first emotions when getting back:
1) after getting out of the plane: yaaaaaaaay, hygiene!
2) after getting out of the train: eeeeeeeek, cold!

So, at the same time it's kind of nice (see previous post) and then again not nice at all (see "eeeeeek") to be back in Europe.

But anyway, let me tell you a few things about Cairo.

This is the old town of Cairo, with many little shops and people trying to sell you things. I also has beautiful architecture and at least one nice cafè.
If you are a woman and not wearing a hijab, be prepared to be stared at at all times even when accompanied by a male person. When you are alone and cover your head they will mostly leave you alone (of course if you are a white woman, this can differ according to your whereabouts and time of day), as soon as you try and look like a normal european person, they will talk to you, tell you compliments within the ethical reach of almost nice to very nasty. Also, they might follow you, scream insults at you and try to grab you. So - if you ever talk to them, be cautious, frequently mention your husband (best to invent one during your flight already) and learn to ignore and keep on walking.
However, apart from the majority you will meet on the streets, there is also the kind and educated person who will tell you about Egypt, show you the good places to go and teach you the right prices to keep the the taxi drivers from ripping you off. When paying for a taxi you should get out before you give the driver his money because these people will argue a long time with you for one egyptian pound (worth ~2 EEK or 13 eurocents).

Me and Julia in the Al-Hakim Mosque, obviously discussing pressing religious matters in depth. No, really, just chillin'. Although even in some mosques white people are frequently asked for money by anyone who works there (people! this is God's house, not your house!!!), the atmosphere in a mosque is usually peaceful and nice. You can see people reading the Qur'an or just cooling down (we saw some people taking their midday naps). In the course my religious education I have come to believe in God, but not in religion. I feel relaxed in the peace and quiet of a mosque.

Cats are also welcome in the mosque, which is no surprise since they used to be worshipped in ancient Egypt. If I had concentrated on photographing cute animals during this trip I would have an impressive collection since the cats are just everywhere. The coolest cat strides around at a little café downtown. He has a black furry french moustache and I named him Pierre. Surprisingly a lot of the cats are quite big and look well-fed. There are also stray dogs, which can be dangerous if you encounter them alone in the middle of the night and somehow manage to catch them at a bad time (they kind of attacked Amer when I wasn't there but they didn't do anything to me).

A view of Cairo, taken in the Al-Azhar Park near the Al-Azhar mosque. The contrast between the more important mosques is very interesting, Al-Azhar is quite small or at least is made to look small in the middle of a typical Cairo skyline with her 15-story houses. The mosque of Mohammad Ali on the other hand looks like a giant. Anyway, islamic Cairo is a beautiful place to visit since the mosques are a testimonial of the arabs' devotion to their religion and considering the times, one of the few testimonials that gives pleasurable experiences to every viewer who has an appreciation for extraordinary architecture.

As you can see, 15-story apartment buildings are a typical sight in Cairo, also streets crowded with cars. Honking never stops, I don't think anyone ever really sleeps in Cairo. They used to have traffic lights downtown, but took them off the streets again since no one really obeyed them. Now they have traffic police. Never trust traffic lights in Cairo, because there a red light never stops anyone. And a car will rarely stop for a pedestrian; instead they speed up to make you move faster.

You have to click on this one to see what I was talking about when describing the Cairo song. In the midst of apartment buildings.... a donkey market! Also, goats and horses. We never found out if they rent or sell the animals, but an emotional discussion in donkey language always reached us from down there (this picture is taken from our balcony).

Now, as for nightly entertainment, the islamic religion considers alcohol and smoking as sinful and disgusting, so you won't find many bars, and just because there is a small shop for beverages and snacks in the street, doesn't mean you will find cigarettes there. Of course you can still find some places to relax in the company of a drink, these cost us 10LE a bottle (20 EEK ~1,20€) and the cigarettes 5LE. The crooked cigarette symbol on the pack is describes as cigarettes causing "marriage problems" - because of course no one has sex before marriage.

The little cafés are moderately awesome: although they serve no alcohol - usually a choice of juice, cola, coffee and tea are in the selection -, you can have as many glasses of tea as you want, smoke shisha, play tawla for hours and still be charged 8LE for the whole party. However, if there are no females present, you shouldn't really aspire to be the first. Many bars are exclusively for men. Also, don't go looking for a toilet in normal bars or street cafés, you will find none. More expensive places have them, but still always carry a pack of tissues as my experience has shown toilet paper is considered non-necessary.

The pyramids. Well, first and foremost if you are on a budget (and we were) and decide to save some money, it's quite an ... eerrr, adventure to get there. It is customary here to act very smart and give precise directions if someone asks you how to get somewhere. Sadly, half of those given directions turn out to be wrong. I I hadn't been with an arab, I would probably have gotten lost every day since most of the people don't speak sufficient english to explain properly how to go to a certain place and the places have different names in english and arabic.
The opportunity to take a bus to the pyramids for 2LE was tempting, so we decided to do that. We got to the bus station alright, but when asking from where exactly the bus to the pyramids goes, got pointed to three different places, all wrong. Then finally we found a policeman who showed us the correct location.
Once arrived at the pyramids, already at the bus there was an annoying guy trying to get us to buy a camel or a horse ride there, because oh lord it's 100m away and he of course described it as a hell of a long way to go by foot.
Ah, also, if an egyptian tells you the way somewhere takes about 7 minutes, be prepared for a 30 minute walk. These people have no conception of time.
The pyramids are, indeed, big, sandy, and cool. We didn't go into the Great Pyramid, but squeezed our way into a smaller one. You literally have to fold yourself together because the small tunnels leading to the tombs are about 1.25x1.25m so you have to duck and keep ducking while walking up and down. Definitely an interesting experience.

No, I didn't support animal torture as much as the average person. Still remembering the sad feeling from the elephant ride in India, I just got on the camel, took a picture with it and got off. However, the camels just seem to endure it quite fine, as they are meant to be desert animals. And, well, while elephants belong between trees in savannas and jungles, all I ever see camels do is walk around in the desert. So I probably would have taken the ride if given the option.

Scenes from the Balcony, vol. 2 - under the satellite dishes the birds are chillin'. I completely understand them - when I went out for a cigarette at daytime, I felt close to fainting when returning to the room. God bless air conditioning!

This is the Egyptian museum. It is educational enough since you can read a short egyptian history throughout your walk through it and can view a lot of sarcophagi, statues of pharaohs and their wives, view massive grave stelae with impressive writings in hieroglyphs and see mummies. Mummies are very creepy. I don't want to meet them again. The museum ticket is 60LE, for students 30LE, but of course they ask an extra 60/110LE to see the chamber of the royal mummies, which I didn't visit. I don't regret it.

A picture taken from the Tahir square, you can see the Egyptian museum behind me in the back.

Korba, Heliopolis. Yes, you can find a lot of churches in Cairo, actually. This is the basilica in Korba, an old town district for the "new Cairo", the luxurious Heliopolis.

If you take the metro to the Mar Girgis station, you will find the coptic area of Cairo. It is very small but has some beautiful architecture, orthodox churches and, interestingly enough, a graveyard filled with graves written on in french and greek (not english or arabic).

Obviously built for some rich-a$$ people, these graves don't just have headstones but are actually little houses. Weird, but beautiful!

Taking a boat ride on the Nile - an experience I would have done repeatedly if given the chance. Basically you float around in the middle of a large noisy street on one side and palm trees and nature on the other, but none of it really touches you. The Nile is a good place to relax on.

So, as I finish my 17 days in Cairo, I conclude that I will miss:
* the quisine - although eating in cheaper places can produce a hurricane in your stomach and put you to bed for a day, the cuisine is delicious. Lamb, one of my favourite dishes, is the cheapest choice here. However I will not miss the arabic bread. So happy to go buy normal dark bread tomorrow.
* the relaxed environment regarding smoking - although it is very rude for a woman to smoke on the street, this doesn't disturb me since I prefer to sit somewhere with a drink whenever lighting up. In Cairo you can do that almost everywhere: in all of the cafés, even the coffee shop of the cinema for example. Europe, I strongly dislike your smoking restrictions.
* the heat - as said, sweating is healthier than shivering. Although my planet is the moon, I am definitely a sun person and although I don't like to tan, I strongly prefer 38 degrees to 14.

things I will not miss:
* the traffic - continuous honking and chaotic traffic where no one pays any attention to any traffic laws is too stressful for me. If a man gets into a taxi and puts his seatbelt on, the taxi driver stops him as that is considered an offence towards his driving skills. Well - I didn't see any accidents during my stay but everyone else I've talked to has seen a lot.
* the dirt - while flying over Cairo you cannot see anything. This is because the smog fills the air. After walking around for a whole day your nose, your hair and your clothes will be dusty and dirty. If you wear sandals, prepare to wash your feet twice.
* the conservativism/ignorance - these men seriously think any woman not wearing a hijab is a whore and because pre-marital sex is allowed in europe, they want to and will most definitely have sex with you if you pay them the right compliments. I would personally like to castrate a big part of the male population of Egypt.

All in all I would not go back to Cairo.
But as my heart still remains there for a while, I obviously long to be there.

2nd conclusion of my time in Cairo: amor vincit omnia.

To end your reading experience on a note of aesthetic pleasure: nothing beats a beautiful sunset seen from above the clouds.
Even if the window is a little frozen.

Yours truly.

the Cairo song

2010-09-29T12:30:00.002+03:00

If there were a Cairo song, it would consist of donkey sounds and honking. Because first, there is a place that houses a bunch of donkeys right in the middle of our 15-floor-buildings-neighbourhood, so every 15 minutes the donkeys let us know how they are feeling.

As for the honking.. well, this is Cairo. If you think they will let you cross the street and slow down, you couldn't be more wrong. They will speed up, and in the dark half of them don't bother turning their lights on.

Also, if you come here, take some medication for fever, sickness and stomach pains with you. My and a friends example has shown that even if the tasty juice or the ice cream makes you feel happy for a moment, it can always ruin the next day for you as it is quite possible it will make you spend this day with the toilet seat in your face.

Also, there are three levels of temperature in Cairo: hot, very hot and MOTHERF#@!ING FRIGGIN' HOT. Of course going out sightseeing requires to brave the most latter, since taking pictures in a decent lights means going out when the sun is in the middle of the sky. Should it have started sinking into the Nile, slow not down, since the sunset is over just too fast around here.
I am quite happy with the 38 degrees though, since in Marburg I would have to settle for 9 and in Tartu for 7 degrees. It's healthier to sweat than to shiver.
However, it would be nicer to get to follow a normal (well, for me) dress code since here it is advised for a woman to cover her hands and feet all the way. Good against too much tanning, otherwise quite a torture.

Anyway, this much for the ranting part, thank you very much for your attention, ladies and gentlemen. Yours truly shall now go and visit the Egyptian museum and report on the pleasantries of my stay in Cairo once I am back in Germany, on Sunday.

Seeya!

^^

2010-09-16T19:04:00.002+03:00

Not so cool: google sites automatically appear in arabic.

Very cool: I see the pyramids from my balcony.

From Cairo with love! :)

(:

2010-09-15T15:34:00.002+03:00

So long, cold Europe! :)

al-Qāhira

2010-09-14T14:25:00.003+03:00

zzzz..... WORKWORKWRITEWORK!!!! ......zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh man, am I glad to get out of this country in a day and some. My third paper shall be finished today, no matter the amount of sleep I have to sacrifice - deadline is 12:00 tomorrow and I'll probably deliver it at 11:55 but that's okay. I feel fairly confident in myself.

Now, the only language in the world in which I have no ambition whatsoever of becoming fluent in is smalltalk. I've tried it these last few days, in the kitchen, wich my lovely floormates, and alright, I can talk about the perks of certain foods and the downside of waking up earlier than one wishes, but only in a situation where I spent the rest of my day holed up in my room achieving academical goals and therefore don't have much intelligence left to spread to my surroundings in form of brilliant sarcastic remarks. Therefore, it works for me right now. But as of tomorrow I am done, done with the smalltalk portion for this month and this year. Half of the people on my floor are moving out so unless someone extraordinaly interesting comes along, all the newbies shall be indifferently ignored.

In other news, did you know that meteorologists are saying this winter will be one of the coldest in the last millennium, and oceanologists say it will be a soft climate for the rest of the year? I will officially land in Tallinn on the 25th of December (I had to book early this time because almost all the tickets for christmas are gone already) and I am very curious as to how intensely I will shiver when taking my first steps in Tallinn.

So sun and snow lie ahead.
I'll soak up the sun first.

Enjoy your first month of school, estonian people! bwha ha ha.

Ainus häiriv asi Tartus...

2010-09-12T02:27:00.002+03:00

...on asjaolu, et bussijaama töötajad ei oska inglise keelt. Kui tihti olen ma enda ees või taga seisvatele inimestele tõlki mänginud, sest vanemad daamid ei oska tihti isegi mitte numbreid inglise keeles!

Samas on meeldiv kuulda, kuidas välismaalased üritavad eesti keelt rääkida. :)

Muidugi ilmselgelt mõtisklen ma sellistel teemadel, sest piinab Tartu-igatsus ja nende inimeste igatsus, keda sellest linnast leida võib....

Aga mis teid Tartu juures häirib? Kui üldse miskit - tartlased ju armastavad Tartut. Nagu minagi. :)

Eestlased!

2010-09-08T21:25:00.002+03:00

Kuidas teie kümnepunktiskaalal oma elu hindaksite?
Mina paneksin oma elule 8. Natuke tuleb ikka vaeva ka näha, aga olen õnnelik.

"Eestlased on sallimatud ja õnnetud"

Aga kuidas suhtute homoabiellu?
Mina usun, et kellelgi siin ilmas pole õigust kahe inimese vahelist armastust piiridesse suruda, seni kuni ei tehta otsest kahju ei osapooltele endile ega teistele.
Liberalism suunab diktatuuri poole, ütleb Hr. Vooglaid, Helsingi õigusteaduskonna dotsent.
Jah, mul poleks ka oligarhia või nn. "pehme totalitarismi vastu midagi", sest demokraatia kui kõigi võrdse aktiivsusega, tasakaalus õigused ja kohustused, esimeste tundmine ja teiste tähtmine, on utoopia.

"Homoliikumise taustal toimub moraalirevolutsioon"

Ja olen lõpuks leinud ainsa väite, mis Freudi mulle sümpaatseks teeb, nimelt uskus hr. Ajusurkija, et kõik inimesed on loomupäraselt biseksuaalsed.
Ma ju räägin! :-]

"Why does Disney hate parents?"

2010-09-04T10:21:00.001+03:00

I would LOVE your opinion on this.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1308584/Why-does-Disney-hate-parents-Ever-noticed-favourite-films-kill-Mum-Dad-.html

KYAAAAAAH

2010-09-03T01:21:00.002+03:00

ahhhhh, the one thing that always motivates me to the level of true academic enthusiasm: ordering over 10 books from the library.

Tomorrow shall be a day of productive uber-greatness!

And hopefully I will get to this point at the latest on the 14.9.:

So far - looking good!

(:

2010-09-02T14:05:00.003+03:00

The forest is my place of breath. It is great to have a mountain to jog on right next to your house. I have even shed my night owl robe for a while to enjoy the earlier mornings of silence running and walking in the forest.

There are pigeons NESTING in front of my window. If Amer told me now to follow the signs, I would start running and screaming. But no, it's just an entertaining sight.

If all goes well, then life will be the sweetest peach soon. So, fingers crossed.

And yeah, I'm so happy with my life I even smile on pictures now. Freakyyyy!

Miss you.

Oskar(s)

2010-08-28T12:43:00.002+03:00

Recent developments in my life:

* watched all six parts of Rocky for the 1st time. 1st and 2nd movie are great, 3rd is just about average, 4th and 5th are awful, 6th is okay.

* watched a LOT of other movies. Wolfman was bland, cried all through Dear John in spite of its many flaws, Schindler's List deserved all the awards it got, Savage Grace is as disturbing and good as I thought, Novecento is something astounding, Precious was a breath of fresh air, Kinsey was something revolutionary and great and just very much fun to watch despite its non-comedic realisation, the Red violin and the Shine were very beautiful, An American crime was bordering on too disturbing but nevertheless something unique, Vers le sud was good, Akira kurosawa's Dreams just reminded me of the unique depth old japanese lifestyle has in it and how I miss japanese movies. The Girl with the dragon tattoo bordered just between something great and something we have all seen before, however with a twist, so in the end it was good after all; Remember me was essentially better than I'd ever hoped, Melissa P. was something typical, nevertheless again with a twist of it's own, which I liked very much; Chloe was quite good in spite of its, again, typical concept; The yellow handkerchief was watchable, bordering on boring. Eddie Redmayne saved it. The Runaways is worth a watch for anyone who thinks anything of Joan Jett.

* read a lot of books, you can catch up with those on my other blog (this is for the estonian people though)

* got obsessed with playing tawla (arabic version of backgammon), although I still need a LOT of practice. But hey, why should I win against someone who has been playing this since 10 years old? Yeah, exactly.

* got back to Marburg

* improved my cooking skills even more

* got some pleasant surprises

* got some difficulties to overcome

* been very much in love

So on the whole, as mentioned in the previous post, it has been a most beautiful life.

Oscar is a good title because my favorite teddy bear is called Oscar, Schindler's, whose life we watched on wide screen yesterday, first name is Oscar and I'm reading Günter Grass' Tin Drum, whose protagonist is also called Oscar.

I will probably and hopefully be traveling some more this year, but the magical tin clump was right when it transformed into a bird on new year's eve.

Thank you, God! And everyone else I love.

Ἑλλάς

2010-08-24T16:49:00.003+03:00

Dear readers,

please accept my sincerest apologies regarding the longitude of my recent absence. I can only excuse myself with the fact that... it has been a most beautiful life. :)

First and foremost, let me take you back a few weeks and share with you my experiences of a lovely trip through Europe with short stops in some capitals and a culmination in the beautiful country that is called Greece.

Budapest
Prague and Budapest are the only two capitals left in Europe I have seriously been aching to visit. A pleasant surprise on our trip was the suddenly offered possibility of a late-night boat ride on the Donau and a small tour in Budapest. We got a glance of the city by night in artificial light but already the architectural beauty and smell of the water made a bit of magic with me as I now am determined to go there next year, as soon as it gets a bit warmer again. Naught shall stop me!

Budapest at night was beautiful, I am looking forward to Budapest at daytime.

Belgrad
Belgrad, or Beograd, as most of Europe calls the capital of Serbia, was a strongly contrasting experience, compared to Budapest. Obviously a poor country, although mother to Goran Bregovic, Serbia from my perspective only has architectural grey-clad sadness and people with fake gold chains to offer. As we also spent a minimal amount of time there, if life takes me to Serbia, I shall gladly inspect further and focus on other, smaller areas as I suspect the small towns will be something completely different. But so far no pleasant experiences in Beograd.
Although I got some interesting pictures to add to my new obsession picture series: people at traffic lights.

The lovely silhouette of Beograd.

Olympic Beach and Paralia
We arrived in Greece at 5:22 in the morning so the natural way of action was to get the amount of rest human bodies supposedly need from the beach, lying in the sand. Our hotel room - the name of our house was Penelope (Wife of Odysseus) - was lovely, but with the Mediterranean sea 100 meters away there wasn't much to appeal to me in the horizontal position. So off I went to the beach to enjoy the wonderful sunrise and wonderful view of Mount Olympus, home of the gods. Apparently Zeus was in a good mood that day because I found a woman taking pictures with a very good camera, so I annoyed her to photograph me a bit, as I know that people like that will make an effort to take a good picture of a complete stranger (my camera is average but I count myself as one of these people).
Other than that, Olympic Beach or Ολυμπιακή Ακτή is a small village near Thessaloniki with the most wonderful people. I truly enjoyed the beach, the restaurants, the talks with the shopkeepers and the chance to just be one of many tiny grains of sand on a beach in a beautiful country.
Of course I also enjoyed the very good Greek wine and beer, both of which I can only recommend. (I remain very impartial about the Ouzo, though.)
There I also gathered some first impressions about the Greeks - they enjoy good food and drinks as everyone should, eat a lot of garlic, lemon and olive oil as most Mediterraneans, love to talk about themselves and about their country, are very charming towards you and seem sincere - this is a difference to the Italians I met, who were just too sleazy to stay sweet.
They also have a temper and love to argue, as I discovered later, among other things.
I also discovered that roasted maize is delicious. Yum in Paralia!

The lovely lady who captured me in the sunrise.

Mount Olymp, seen from somewhere between Paralia and Olympiaki Akti. Beautiful!

Me and mum with somewhat of a view to Mount Olymp

Thessaloniki
Thessaloniki is the second largest city in Greece and has an important port with a central position for the Mediterranean area. It also has some lovely architecture and nice little souvenir shops, with the endless opportunity to walk along the seaside. Furthermore, it has little coffee shops with people sitting outside and playing tawla, and parks with men sitting and discussing matters of the world.
This city has almost a million residents, however it didn't strike me with its vast dimensions or majestic appearance. It seemed quite a homey place to reside in. However, we didn't stay for long.

Orthodox church guys! A rare, but present sight in Tartu, but very typical in any corner of Greece.

As I said - discussing passionately matters of the utmost importance. Unfortunately I had no chance to photograph the tawla-players, but their presence is felt.

Meteora
The monasteries of Meteora are an ancient organism and the second largest complex of eastern orthodox monasteries in Greece. Meteora means suspended in the air and that is what they are - six monasteries built on huge rock pillars. The monks used to get themselves and other people and goods up by using a tiny rope basket, which we saw still hanging on the wall, and - man, those monks were some tough people! I would probably wet myself if I had to ride up the mountain in that tiny basket.
In any case, I found something very special in those monasteries, and the view is amazing. As we were the first people to arrive that morning, we got the privilege of quiet and the best light of the day to marvel at the monasteries.
A beautiful experience. What amazing things there are in the world, that both nature and human have made!

Now remember kids, Meteora is a holy place! Ticket to the Great Meteoron.

Meteora monasteries

Delphi
Mount Parnassus itself offers a beautiful view when climbing up to Delphi. You can see the theater, the stadium, the place of the omphalos, the so-believed navel of the world in old times. And the locusts just keep on buzzing everywhere around you.
However, for some reason, this ruin didn't really impress me with any kind of special notion or tingling - to be at the once navel of the world is truly something, but I kept thinking of my walks through Pompeii.

Delphi and mount Parnassus

Athens
Athens has something for everyone: for the culturally interested there are piles and piles of ancient ruins to walk through and ogle at, for the thrill-seekers there is the neighborhood where our hotel was located. Every time we parted from or returned to it, we saw Your Daily Friendly Neighborhood Drug Addicts wasting away, almost passed out on the stairs two houses on from our hotel entrance. Now isn't that a lovely sight!
Later I learned that the Omonia square, once the place for all the cool cats to go to have a drink and some more, has now basically turned into Africa because it is filled with immigrants, colored dark and darker. While I have no problem with people of any skin tone or origin, these were a specifically annoying kind: you walk through Omonia square at daytime - they annoy you with stupid souvenirs to buy. You walk through Omonia square at night - they have suddenly spread on their tables (which previously harbored toys and t-shirts) an impressive variety of adult movies! Although this makes me laugh as I also have no problem with visual arts of the exhibitionist kind, I have never made such an experience.
Some important places like the Parthenon or the temple of Zeus just impressed me with their massiveness, as some places like our "friendly" neighborhood endeared me to stay far, far away from them. However, I think Athens is an amazing city and as their university, academy and library are beautiful, oh so beautiful buildings, I would have no problem with studying in this interesting and ambivalent place.
For shopaholics of all sorts, there is the flea market, where I got myself some superfly headgear. However, do not be fooled with the term flea market - small shops sell exclusive merch for exclusive prices. The jewelry is b e a u t i f u l, though. If for anything, I would go back to these shops to buy 10 pairs of earrings.
And the food, the food... we thought Athens would be very expensive compared to the smaller towns and villages and prepared to devour a humble menu while staying in the Greek capital, but as a pleasant surprise the difference was fairly tolerable and we enjoyed Moussaka here and Moussaka there. Moussaka is delicious, by the way, although the general concept of it still has me confused.
One of the places in all Greece which left a deep mark in me was Socrates' prison. I found it very sad that our tour guide had to explain many times to everyone who exactly Socrates was and what he did wrong. Well, I certainly don't know all the leading names in... erm, Chemistry, so who am I to judge. But still.. I got my biggest fix of old times' savor from that small cell.
Athens will remain a city of awesome experiences because here I saw an agave plant for the first time, and from agave plants they make tequila! Whoever they are, Tequila is a great choice of drink and I felt very happy standing next to this giant bush. So thank you, Greece.

Agave plant, you are my friend! Although you look like a giant tentacle monster, I trust you, because your juice is my drug.

The Parthenon. Mostly big piles of stone, but still quite epic to experience.

Patra
Patra, another harbor town, led us to the boat to take us to Italy to start the drive back home. Patra is a small town, however has a university and seemed quite friendly to us, never mind those large numbers of unfriendly looking gangs of guys luring around at the seaside. We had our nice walk and boarded a ship called Sophocles V.

Sophocles' inhabitants treated me to some whiskey and then I found out the core characteristic of the Greek man: he loves to talk and let listen. So, no thank you, Greek men are not for me, at least if they work on boats. They do love their country, though, that is sweet.

As it was a bus trip, they tried to make our lives interesting buy taking us to some more European capitals during our trip back. So I got the lovely opportunity to visit Vienna for the fourth time, and this time we just sought out a small nice cafè called Bohéme and enjoyed some delicious Strudel and coffee.
Vienna is an old city with history, tradition, a certain flair of royalty and beauty. But for me the only reason to go to Vienna yet again would be a tiny statue of an elephant, recently placed next to Maria Theresia, in front of the museum for natural history. The cutest sculpture I have ever seen!

He is the symbol of my new found love for Vienna.

We also saw Warsaw, which is a not at all impressive city and just spreads some gray eastern European flare as Narva in Estonia would do. However this is not surprising, because 85% of this city was destroyed during the wars and, well, after them economy was not so good in the eastern part of Europe, to put it nicely.
Poland's beauty lies in it's country side, smaller towns and indeed, it's people. Do go to Poland, but not with an emphasis on Warsaw.

This old man is walking down "Solidarnošci" street. Polish history, anyone? :)

On the whole I got some interesting experiences, saw some beautiful places, managed to stay without a tan and caught up on my reading during the days in the bus.
I would most certainly go to Greece again as the people are friendly and local people mostly educated (a shopkeeper from whom I bought a vase, told me very casually she speaks five languages, which is "not much, but enough for business". I was mortified, so far I had considered the fact that I speak four quite special).

A

2010-08-19T19:49:00.002+03:00

I have never felt thunder
And lighting like this
I have never been struck by
A wonder like this

Ich kenne nichts
Ich kenne nichts
das so schön ist wie Du

lol

2010-08-07T20:50:00.002+03:00

snippet from the movie Dangerous Beauty.

"Mother, we cant go in there!"
-"Ladies cant. Courtisans can!"

This being a dialogue between two women standing at the entrance of a vast home library.

Oh well, Venice in the 16th century, what can you do.

p

2010-08-07T16:16:00.004+03:00

I love love love Facebook! I found my high school philosophy teacher on there, whom I always met on the town when I was running somewhere.

Other than that today was a worst-case scenario of verbal diarrhea for me, since I snapped at everyone who did something wrong in my eyes.

But really, people in Estonia are not that friendly and only out to get some while giving none.
At least today.

I miss my friends. They should arrange their lives around me and be in Tartu at the same time than me.
Nah, just kidding.
As long as they send me something pretty from time to time, all good.

Loveya.

Oh yeah, and Greece was nice. Pictures soon.

Sky is the limit

2010-07-24T20:50:00.003+03:00

It is nice to be home for a change. Me and Anne and Ronald and Liisa got together yesterday, talked life and drank pretty much everything on the menu. And boy was I happy to see the both of them. Good times.

But the time I am spending here is just enough, the world is my home now. And I prefer to walk through the rooms of this home a bit before I put my head on the pillow of the bed in the room I have chosen.

Off to Greece tonight, back on the 6.8. and then 10 more days of Estonia.

Seeya!

22

2010-07-14T05:39:00.005+03:00

...and I had the most wonderful birthday.

Thank You.

:-]

win

2010-07-09T16:56:00.004+03:00

Edit: 7 344 words, 27 pages, 22 days. one paper down.

Another to do in... gaaaaaah, 8 days.

Life is fun.

See you at the library.

Psychology & co.

2010-07-08T13:51:00.003+03:00

...on second thought, I shouldn't really diss psychology (last post). Everything I have read so far from that field is interesting, as was my lecture on religious psychology somewhere in 2007/8.

The embodiment of the reason for this sh!tstorm was the professor. I have in a long time not seen someone with so little structure, presence and passion giving a lecture.

But all in all the drably nature of the lecture helped me to study better, so thank you, mr. professor, and may you find another career very soon.

On another note: Amorphis will never stop giving me shivers. Tomi Joutsen is an entity! Mesmerizing! Orphic! Aaaaaaaagh!

Now.
Studying! Commence!
Yesterday I spent a large part of my evening conquering castles instead of new russian vocabulary or aspects of time semantics in the literature of Johann Peter Hebel (title of paper I'm currently writing) and spent an hour on a new gadget on facebook.
So today will be completely different!

PS. Note to self: careful what you wish for. 'Cause you might just get it.

"Ich nehme diesen Preis nicht an!"

2010-07-07T16:43:00.002+03:00

On Monday I had the honor and privilege to experience the entity that is Marcel Reich-Ranitzki. He gave an interview for our students at the university.
He is an interesting character and certainly knows his field, also he doesn't like being called the pope of literature as he does know he is not infallible.
But still, I wouldn't want to cross him.
Nevertheless, for a guy who just turned 90, he seems... charming.

Now yesterday as I had a test at 18:00 and had started studying for it in the late Monday evening (I just had to watch Eclipse that evening, although now, having seen it, I believe studying would've been the better option), I took the whole Tuesday for preparations. But as I got bored with just sitting and reading, I just sat myself into our AudiMax (auditorium maximum) and along with reading, listened to some kind of psychology lecture. And I'm glad I did because ignoring the crap I heard there helped me enormously to focus on the crap I had to memorize for my test. At least my crap is written better and actually interesting. I'm glad I didn't choose psychology when I had the choice. Literature science is the thing for me.

I started studying on Monday because Sunday evening was filled by a surprise visit by Michael. We had a blast and I now have a book of maps of Russia and a giant (3A1 probably) map of Russia. Preparations for our trip across Russia next year, which will be happening definitely. If we'll be on the road for two or three months, I don't know. But that's the beauty of life, not knowing.
And other lovely pre-birthday presents.

Now, back to studying.

PS: Mr. Omar Bashir, you make my soul sing! Thank you, Amer.

and...

2010-07-05T18:46:00.003+03:00

... by the 20th of July I'll either look like this:

...this
..or this.

fingers crossed :P

.

2010-07-05T17:29:00.002+03:00

Average temperature: 32-38 degrees.
Academical enthusiasm level: 6-8/10.
Average sleep hours per night: 4-6.

3 papers à 25p to finish, one almost done, one postponed to august. One test to ace tomorrow.

So, you see, you're gonna have to live without my witty comments on life for a while.

But life's good here in the library.

Toodles!

delitto soggettivamente politico

2010-06-23T00:52:00.000+03:00

-snippet from a seminar-

Students are discussing a short story by Wolfdietrich Schnurre ("Reusenheben") where a man is strangling a woman.
A girl talks about the character of this man, saying he must be cruel by nature, since struggling is a very nasty way to die.
She says: it takes at least a minute to struggle someone.
- curiosity by the other students results in the question: how do you know that?

victorious, boyish, knowing smirk by the professor, who replies to the question: she used to have a different occupation before she became a student at this university!

Some students glance a concerned look at the professor, who seems to know all. Some look quite uncomfortable sitting next to the giggling student who just shared detailed knowledge about strangulation with them.
I sink into a convulsion of laughter behind my desk.

-snippet from a different seminar-

The professor is explaining to us about a server system to upload our future homework. The server is called apache.
The professor emphasizes the name apache and tells us this indeed comes from the name of the indian tribe.
" – because the IT-people have a very freaky self-conception and therefore like to name their programs in an unconventional manner," he says, glaring at his students, carrying a disturbingly freaky smirk himself for the next minute.
I sink into a convulsion of laughter behind my computer.

I love this university.

"let me smoke my pipe while I summon a falcon"*

2010-06-22T16:27:00.006+03:00

It really has come to the point for me where I love the world as an entity so very much with all it's creatures in different shapes, sizes and colours, but feel very detached from the part of it where your daily life consists of casual, friendly human contact.

I'll be going to Estonia for about 11 days this summer and then back again on Christmas time. Should I feel anything missing from me because of the absence of the city I've been living in for the past 20 years?
No, because I know the city will be there and my friends, the few whom I hold close no matter the distance, they will also be there.
I rather feel a new sort of excitement for the world is now more open to me than ever.

So, my dear friends, you will most likely be off in different corners of the world for the time I'm home. The library will be opened and Pirogov park will be crowded.
But I'll be home from the 6.-15. August. If you are too, we will probably see each other. Because these little seemingly trifle thing other people call coincidence always brings me to the right people.

All in all, I look forward to seeing Tartu this summer, but remain content with the idea of spending most of my vacation time in my room in Marburg with books and movies.

Is it to do with the fact that home is where the heart is? If that be the case, my heart is in Marburg until September and then travels to further locations. But I have every intention of following it.

And so I carve my way into the path of the citizen-of-the-world-type person. Some day I will (we will, me and Him) make a home, but for now the world is my home and I feel alive and happy more than ever. One of the main factors to provide this sensation is the lifestyle of pack-travel-unpack-no better yet don't unpack because you need to go again in two days-travel.

May the world be at your feet whenever you wish it to grant you passage to it's hidden beauties.

And as the Trinidadians say: to celebrate life, you have to move your hips.
So:
party!

*This lovely quote comes from The Simpsons episode #1712, My Fair Laddy, where Lisa turns Groundskeeper Willie into a handsome, refined gentleman. Hilarity!

2010-06-21T12:21:00.002+03:00

The squirrels are back!

Those little grey chipmunks who made me fall in love with them in India are lovely and when I saw them in Tallinn I squealed with joy. I guess I'm just a normal girl, having a thing for cute fluffy animals.

But Marburg takes the cake when it comes to squirrels, because in our very yard betweeen two dorm houses on a tree there was a red cute thing staring right at me when I came home today.

I've been missing those little buggers! In the autumn I got to see them every day when I went through the park.

So yay, squirrel time is back.

Yay, absolution

2010-06-20T18:53:00.004+03:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

This thing - and adding pictures on Facebook.
And booking a plane ticket - I'll be back in Tartu on the morning of the 23rd. And off to Greece on the 25th.

And now, off to schoolwork.

الأكاديمية الحماس

2010-06-15T14:35:00.003+03:00

I'm very proud of all my friends who got their BA this month. May this be the first of many great steps in your academical career and path to find and share your own wisdom.

As the estonian students are lucky enough to enjoy their summer, I am just starting to write my papers. Yesterday I exited the library with 9 books in my bag. Today I got two more. And this makes me feel like myself again.

Daily brain activity is healthy. So, everyone, do read some books in the summer.

And make sure the ones you cherish know how precious they are to you. Nothing is more important.

True Blood

2010-06-14T13:15:00.002+03:00

My country is really making a name for itself. In the first episode of True Blood's 3rd season vampire Eric has a new stripper and fucktoy, a girl who he says is from Estonia. She is actually russian and speaks russian.

So yay, go reputation for russian prostitutes in Estonia! No need to know that estonian people have their own language! No need to mention that when Tartu was Dorpat, it had a reputation in Europe for bringing forth excellent scientists!
Sex sells!

I'm amused, but not really happy with this.
But hey, smbc portrays us as poor people who kill each other for 5$.

Yay, world media cred.

Everything was illuminated

2010-06-10T16:32:00.004+03:00

I will come and smite you personally if you ever want to try and explain to me that the beauty of a fierce thunderstorm gives you anything else than the feeling of total exaltation.

There is one person in this world whom I prefer to any thing or phenomenon, be it of human or natural origin. And the one thing missing from perfection was indeed not being able to share this exhilarating feeling with Him.

At first I was completely surrounded by heavy rain, I chose not to listen to the beautiful sounds in my mp3 player since the tango of rain and thunder is something so unique one shouldn't waste the opportunity of filling one's ears with it.

And as the thunder and the lightning was almost exactly over my head while I walked the empty, dark streets of this little town, I felt much safer than I feel when walking the streets in a quiet weather. Somehow I feel protected by the rain and thunder, I feel like it's watching over me. Although being soaked by it mostly carries no good results for my health.

So then I sat on the balcony, overlooking Marburg, and let the magic of lightning take over.
And how could one accurately describe something one could never grasp, just admire?
It really is something divine.
And it makes me feel very calm inside.

Thank you, God, for helping me recapture this inner calm He has given me and not letting it slip into the usual patterns nevernding restlessness. Indeed, You see what is in the heart.

I miss Him...

:]

2010-06-09T23:59:00.000+03:00

It's great to be reminded again that there are these completely absurd meetings with very curious people who you talk to about the essence of Life, where you never feel tired physically because your mind is positively euphoric as a result of the chance to look into this person's perception of things, you drink but you don't get drunk because there really is no need to (by the way I think in that matter my alcoholic spell is broken and the liquor devil, who shortly started to seriously frighten me, has been kicked in the face for good).

Your party is the last to leave the bar and you have coffee with them to watch the city wake up and start their day. When you leave, they do offer, but you refuse politely, smile at them, tell them there should be more people like this and walk home barefoot, cheerfully greeting the tired-looking construction workers who are astonished by your endurance ("Look, she's coming home now! She's just coming home, guys!" - yeah, thanks for the support, dudes).

Then you sit on the balcony, listen to It's a Beautiful Day by U2 and finish the glass of wine you and your friend left on the table when we spontaneously decided to "come on, let's go dancing!" around midnight.

And you will probably never see them again, but smirk with your eyes when you think about that conversation.

Yes, I love those moments.
It's a beautiful life.

.

2010-06-07T17:36:00.001+03:00

knuff

2010-06-01T21:37:00.004+03:00

Oh the boots, the dresses, the hats, the stockings, the corsets, the make-up.... and the dogs.
The weekend before last we spontaneously decided to visit Dana in Leipzig and somehow, very randomly, ended up at the Wave Gothic Treffen. The entire town filled with stylish people in black. I admit some of them did not deserve a second glanze, but others certainly made my day.

And while I once again made the conclusion that alcohol and Leipzig don't go together, I was thrilled to spend time with my best friend and my boyfriend in tandem, having some long-missed fun with Dana, whom I soon hope to entertain anew in Marburg.

The last weekend was partially spent in Frankfurt with a play by D. H. Lawrence - The Fox. I can only recommend it, as it includes the stereotypes of femme fatale, femme fragile, femme masculine - and a handsome man to stir it all up, who seems to be a lovely fella, when really it turns out that... ah, I envy the male protagonist. What fun it must be to play a total psycho five nights a week! He also seemed a very jolly fella when I coincidentally ran into him after the play. In lack of sudden intelligent commentary I just told him he's awesome. I know, I know.
Now, since the plan is to go to the English Theatre in Frankfurt again, perhaps I shall bump into him on stage again and further explore his real character. As I have some actor friends, it's always interesting to see how much people draw from themselves onto the stage, how much they have to study certain psychological patterns and how the ongoing, evolving stage experience inflicts upon their character as a person.

We then met up with our good friend Jack Daniels to recall some long lost memories and enjoyed my kind of music in a tiny club called The Cave. Fun, fun, fun!

And I cannot emhpasize enough that the only time to travel by train is at night. We came back from Leipzig starting at 3:41, from Frankfurt at 5:21. Me, the night-owl, enjoys this way of life very much.
And as this week only had two school days and the latter, that is/was today, was interrupted by a fire alarm, giving me the privilege to catch up on my neglected book blog, I have the chance to remain a night owl for at least five days. Bliss!

So, life has picked up from the general apathy from the big obsession to the balanced bliss - since I have somehow blended my life with my love, while having the best of both. And I never know how to accomplish this. So, finally I have started watching movies again, finally my lungs have recovered and I have started jogging again, finally I have motivation for studying again, also studying russian with my lovely Julia, and, even drew something last night.

:]

Movie minutes:
Sex and the City 2 - yes, I actually went and watched this chick flick swarmed with bad reviews, what did you expect? The first one was nothing compared to the series and the second one was nothing compared to the first one, but really I went in knowing that there will be no tears, but lots of glamour, laughter and Samantha-moaning. And I had very much fun watching the movie. The islamic perspective has a new prism for me to look through lately, that is true, that gave me some thought as to which degree that portrayal is realistic at all - but one should try to see the world through their own eyes in as many forms as possible so I shall go and find out one day for myself.
Some bumps in the road for all ladies and their men of course, the neverending Big-Carrie-Aidan triangle being brought up again in this one - but really, every problem occurring in this movie seems almost a pseudo-problem to me since they are all solved rather easily and the ending a very happy one. So yes, girls, go, see, laugh.

Modigliani - naturally I had art history in high school and had read about the likes of Picasso, seen the Boeuf (Carcass) by Suitine and given short thought about the passion of an artist. But this movie really has it all - a fascinating love story, a passionate rivalry and intense love-hate relationship, an all-consuming love for art - and the way it shows the very fulfillment of the human soul by completion of this godlike action of creating something astonishingly beautiful with such meaning! Ah, and the paintings! A beautiful movie.

Bitter Moon - Ah, how loving someone can destroy you and them... a beautiful story of what happens when fucked up meets insatiably corrupted and, at the same time what capacity a human being has for cruelty and love. Partially a very disturbing movie, but with so much honesty and authencity. Loved it.

Malena - a love story in many ways. Structure-wise the portrayal of a young woman by a teenage boy who has a heavy crush on her, contents-wise the rise and fall of this woman and the bitter bread of destiny she is forced to chew on as because of her outstanding appearance and character society will always have a bone to pick with her. Camera-technically a masterpiece, truly showing the beauty of a moment full of life and emotions on the public square with all the hidden and public relationship a town full of people has to show; and thoroughly laying out the silent beauty of Malena's charakter, who rarely speaks a word but expresses no less than perfect poetry with her eyes.
A great movie.

Hannah and her Sisters - yet another Woody Allen movie, focusing on the life on a family, divided into chapters, also chaptered by the coming together of the family every thanksgiving. A comedic, heartfelt insight into the heart and thoughts of ... well, people. I would call Woody Allen's style, more than Balzac's (as written on the book blog in the latest entry) a human comedy, but always with a sense of very much authenticity and a real feeling for detail. A fun experience.

Loving Annabelle - the story of two women who fall in love with each other, one being a troubled teenager coming to a private school, the other being a teacher at this school. A good example how the stereotype of the 16-year-old smoking girl can be so much more, because this one has a depth in her eyes and actions, a depth that should not be questioned. Also the ever-alive question of ambivalent morals and hypocrisy in a christian private school (e.g. the movie Doubt - 2008, a very good drama). A realistic unhappy happy ending gives the final pinch of salt to a nice experience.

Nick and Norah's infinite Playlist - quite your typical high school comedy-drama-romance-awkward-nuances-factor-added type of movie. Two kids meet, at first feel quite neutral towards each other, then later discover a deeper connection. Both sum up the courage to say goodbye to their past - both being constantly haunted by it - and step into a new world together. Cute with a little twist, but on the whole average. Of course, I was distracted by the lovely Kat Dennings, so naturally I watched it to the end :)

Kissing Jessica Stein - somehow a woman who has three lovers decides to put an ad in the paper to meet another woman. Somehow this ad has a Rilke quote in it and attracts another woman, who, until now, has been rather conservative about her sexual preferences. Somehow these two have a relationship. Somehow then they remain friends. This was fun to watch, but I wouldn't watch it again, as again it has this comedic human touch, but loses some of it at the end. So on the whole I remain neutral.

"Der Duft einer Zigarette wolle mir Schwung verleihen"

2010-05-20T16:21:00.004+03:00

Today I decided to clean out my cupboards and take away the collection of empy bottles which has filled the space in my room quite effectively. This move showed me that indeed the cure for everything, as Robert Walser puts it ("The scent of a cigarette will provide me with pep"), is a well-portioned amount of daily cigarettes and alcohol. Which is what I have been consuming regularly lately, ignoring the fact that my last days have been haunted by sneezing, coughing and other lovely notions of bodily malfunctioning.

Nevertheless I have been very productive in studying, reading, cooking, baking and thoroughly enjoying life. Today I finally got to present a paper I should have presented two weeks ago, and thus I remain quite passive for the remainder of my seminars since other people now get the privilege of entertaining others with other interesting subjects on the matters discussed in the seminars.
Which, of course, doesn't mean complete silence from my side since I am expected to prepare myself thoroughly for every. single. fucking. seminar.
Yes, studying is a blast. But I'll survive.

I now also have an almost complete picture of the final papers I'll be writing for the seminars, which could imply them being ready in the end of the semester, which could imply much deserved time of academical rest for the whole months of August and September. One can only hope...

I have also now started my studies in Russian with the language tandem with my new very lovely, beautiful, smart and rather interesting oral torturer Julia, to whom I in return teach the secrets of German grammar. The project started quite slowly since I met her a couple of months later than hoped and the first lesson proved to be very challenging for me since all we ever did during our university Russian lessons was to learn something by heart and repeat it. Now I actually can learn to make discussion in Russian. Which is tres difficile, but certainly worth the effort, considering future plans to make a two-month trip through Russia.

Apart from academical enthusiasm I have also been enthusiastic in the kitchen, which is great, since life in a dorm doesn't really imply regular cooking, which is most fun when done in your own kitchen where you know what you have, where it is and that no one is currently using it.

So, all in all, sickness hinders nil, if motivation is at hand!

Also I should state my undying love for the Marburg jazzclub Cavéte (which means hollow space or box - and yes, the club/bar is small), where I am considered a regular already and where the Bordeaux and bartenders are great. And don't get me started on the music. A place where all the sounds you ever hear is jazz or something similar? WIN!

Really ignoring all health conditions and/or hoping that excessive consumption of garlic will cure me magically by tomorrow, we are going to visit Dana in Leipzig for the weekend.
So past, presend and future tense - happiness overdrive yet again, once more, and neverending.

2010-05-14T20:04:00.003+03:00

To all the beautiful flowers who once bloomed in the garden of my heart
And with whom God did not give me more time,
for whatever reason

I will always open my door for you.
Always.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne?

And days of auld lang syne, my dear,
And days of auld lang syne.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne?

We twa hae run aboot the braes
And pu'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.

Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne,
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld ang syne.

We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.

Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne.
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.

And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

LOL

2010-05-10T02:55:00.000+03:00

(:

2010-05-06T04:48:00.003+03:00

Ahhh, this is the Life.

Going to sleep at dawn for less hours than fingers on one hand, having prepared a pot of black tea for the too soon arriving morning , having started preparing for 12 hours of imminent academical mayhem on the zero hour of this very same day.

Viva La Vie Boheme!

...party!

2010-05-05T01:49:00.002+03:00

Freud: Happy people don't fantasize. Their fantasy, their art, is escape, a way of repressing childhood traumas.

So I found out in today's seminar about literature science that writers are really nothing a bunch of sad sobs who need to cure their ailing souls via creativity. If you are genuinely happy with your life, you can't be a writer, nor would the notion ever occur to you.
Ah, but this blog is also part of my writing, so I already feel the neverending ache receeding. Thank you, mr. Freud!

As the last weeks have presented my soul with emotion again, I am, indeed, writing again. At least I have something in mind, sadly school matters hinder the progress of this endeavor.

Albeit minimal sleeping hours (...party!), I have managed to discover some of the most interesting parts of Marburg such as Café in the dark. Just like any nice place you go there to sit at the bar, have a glass of wine and relax with your friends. However, as the name implies, you do all of this without seeing any of your surroundings, because this magical place is concealed from the outside world. You need to pass two black curtains and cloak yourself into the black of this room, where your drinks and food are served by blind people.
So, in the beginning you feel a bit helpless and wait for somebody to turn the light on, because that really is the first impulse when being somewhere dark. Then you start to feel and hear your surroundings more and this new weird sensation actually makes you feel quite cozy. You spend a few hours in the dark and start convincing yourself that you do see some movement, however putting your hand 2 centimetres from your nose remains a futile motion.
As I tend to be the last person in any bar, we had the luck of sharing a cigarette with the students working there - who are mostly blind, by the way. I did my best not to look around in the room though since the experience in that room should remain on a sense-hearing-based level.
And so after the night finished we opened the curtain again, leading us back to the normal (well, from our point of view - no pun intended) world, from now on appreciating the ability of making eye contact and watching a person sit next to you a great deal more.
The saddest thought remains - the blind, who manage in this room considerably better than we do, because this is what their entire world looks like, will never get to open this curtain.

As always when something gets to me, I have enthusiastic utopic plans about this thing, so two notions stay in mind:
1) need to contribute to this project by financial and/or any other means
2) need to become a neuro-optometrist and achieve miracles concerning blindness

Whilst yesterday evening made clear that I am a very visual person, some music has also had me spellbound for the last three days, mr. Eugene Hutz and Gogol Bordello has long been a preference in Winamp and starter of wild dancing in any room I currently reside in, but the last three days this party has been going on in my ear and I can't stop it! PARTY!

Also, somehow I'm lately feeling very strongly how life is just too short. Too short to accomplish everything I have in mind.
There just are not enough hours in one day!

But the fleetingness of life is part of it's beauty - as sad as that might make me (but hey, sad people write and I like writing, yes, it's a vicious circle) - so I will embrace it, because this everlasting and everchanging condition brings contrast and thus balance to my soul.

For example, I really shouldn't drink so much.
But then, when you think about it, I really should drink more...

Ah, on that note. Internet tests tell me the following:

If you do not smoke, your life expectancy would be 1.06 years longer
If you do not have any stress, your life expectancy would be 0.11 years longer
If you do not have any sexual partner, your life expectancy would be 0.18 years longer
If you sleep 7 hours a day, your life expectancy would be 0.32 years longer

...party!

All in all, I remain an explosion of happiness.
Yours truly.

A dirty book is rarely dusty.

2010-05-03T02:19:00.002+03:00

for a second there I believed I really had evolved.

Having found the healthiest expression of addictive behaviour: book-shopping.

Of course, the fact I do need some kind of addiction to keep me going is not good. If only I were a stronger woman...

but nay, "weakness, thy name is woman!", and if thy be at the least educated, then this be a good addiction to give in to.

But, apart from my acceleratingly filling bookshelves, the plan is to really go shopping on Wednesday with my lovely girlfriends (the value of having female friends is something I discovered only about two years ago. This piece of knowledge will never be forlorn again!). Need I be cured? Nay, quite the opposite, pampered and surrounded with beautiful things. Embrace thy nature, Woman!

As the great mr. Wilde put it: I can resist anything but temptation...

:)

"...a little bit jealous - like Medea"

2010-05-02T13:59:00.004+03:00

I finally watched Annie Hall. And as all Woody Allen movies, I simply loved it. No one to get you laugh as hard and start thinking about how beautiful and ironic one single fucked-up, seemingly unimportant moment can actually be.
Life is a series of moments, we need to feel that more. Although I overdo it with that motion - I like to think of my life as a movie, always. One day I'll probably get my two feet on the ground. But really, this secret self-centered bubble I live in is how it always ends up.
So... yea.

Also watched Seraphine, true story based on the live of the artist Séraphine de Senlis. And yup, I liked it. Very refreshing and real.

Also watched The Libertine again, and still finding all those little nuances in Johnny's performance. So beautiful, simply brilliant..

The very enjoyable and sober month of April has come to an end and at 00:00 on the 1th of May we celebrated this with wine. Celebrations continued on Saturday in the jazzclub (I don't think Marburg has more than one Jazzclub, so I'm just calling it the jazzclub, okay.... and yes, google agrees with me for now).
And somehow we ended up in the dorm at a party among drunk people dancing in the kitchen.
All in a day's work...

It's a beautiful life.

And after it rains
There's a rainbow
And all of the colors are black
It's not that the colors aren't there
It's just imagination they lack

(Simon and Garfunkel - My Little Town)

Alcohol is awesome

2010-04-29T15:33:00.002+03:00

...as the Black Books clip on Youtube tells the world.

But really, contrary to popular belief, alcohol is very good for you. Wine prolongs your life span - and beer is good for the skin! Mine hasn't been lookin aesthetically passable since I stopped drinking.
Seriously. Drink beer. It works.

Beer is passe for me now, for most of this lifetime, since I no longer feel any pleasure from it's rather plain character and find it actually rather ageusic. But now I'm taking those yeast capsules I always so eagerly recommend everybody. Oh, the irony! But please, no hard feelings towards forgoing the humulus bevvy at future occasions. Wine is the way.

Bordaux is the one thing I missed most during my one month without alcohol. And she will be thorougly resurrected in the very near future. Bliss!

Since I am a nice person and have an unhealthy affection for needles, we were strongly thinking about going to donate blood today. Alas, other things like shopping needed doing and time passed unnoticed. Suddenly me and Amer had to run in opposite directions.

The bloody affair would have been perfect this week since my blood has had nil alcoholic content for a while now. Alas, next week (or the one after next, whenever I stop drinking Bordeaux every day and feel compensated for the sad occasion of March) shall have to do for the vampires.

And I seriously need to stop this new obsession with Facebook. Or quit orkut. Or throw my internet cable out of the window. Books in the park! So much better!

Loving the warm weather here in Marburg, loving the espresso by the river and loving the Studentendorf. Well, a particular floor and room in the Studentendorf.

Not loving the fact that studying seems very trivial at these times...
but intelligence will prevail if pursued just a bit harder once a week.

So, yes, life is a beautiful affair, and optimism wins.
:)

2010-04-26T21:15:00.006+03:00

"Liebe ist stark wie der Tod und glühend wie die Hölle. Ihre Glut ist feurig und eine Flamme des Herrn, dass auch viele Wasser nicht mögen die Liebe Auslöschen noch die Ströme ertränken."

To my own surprise and astonishment, I find myself, very much in love.

This utopical thing we little girls wait for in our dreams, such dreams which come to us after having our mothers read us a sweet fairy tale filled with overwhelming, fascinating notions from stinging thorny roses and heavy scents of spices, this thing has been transformed into a very real experience.

Primary functions of the body such as consumption of aliment by eating and/or sleeping seem so trivial compared to this thing, this indescribable feeling, which has come my way and blown me off the ground I used to happily walk alone on, sharing it with my head. The ground and the air are now filled with roses and spices.

The english language seems to be the right path for this blog for future times, since the people who take interest in my fate and thoughts have formed a rather international crowd.

So, anyway, to all you out there,
I wish the garden of your heart will be forever filled with beautiful flowers.

I am, indeed more than ever, happy.
And starting from the first page of this fairy tale, I will never look back again.

حبيبي

2010-04-25T14:11:00.002+03:00

♥♥♥

"Tsoooort!"

2010-04-22T13:42:00.005+03:00

Marburgi ülikooli mensa (ehk tudengite söökla) on pseudomassimeedia kuningriik. Miks? Sest kui sinna lõunastama minna, varitsevad sind ALATI mingid tüübid mingite x flaieritega, reklaamimaks pidusid, spordiüritusi, bände, raamatuid, ajakirju, ühinguid ja mida kõike veel. Täna pisteti mulle pihku mingi tv-kanali, spordiklubi ja türklaste poliitilisi õigusi kaitsva ühingu flaierid. Ja see on kõigest tagasihoidlik päev.

Aga isegi aktiivselt kõiki flaiereid ignoreerides tõotavad järgnevad nädalad tulla vägagi sisustatud, sest mingil seletamatul põhjusel pean ma tegema neli referaati ja seda järgmise nelja nädala jooksul. EEEEEEEEEEK oleks siinkohal parim vastus küsimusele how does that make you feel.

Aga ma istun jõe ääres, vaatan parte ja naudin sooja ilma, kuigi ilm hetkel sugugi soe ei ole, sest kõik on nii täiuslik.

Eile käisin esimest korda Marburgi vinges jazzklubis Cavete, mis on väike aga tubli, sest ruumi jagub seal paarikümnele inimesele, üritusi aga sel nädalal vist lausa neli ja nädalarütmis nagunii suve poole liikudes üha rohkem ja rohkem. Ken Vandermark saksofonil ja Paal Nilssen-Love trummidel. Kui ma vaid oskaksin nii mängida nagu need mehed... superkogemus. Olgugi et hirmkallis.
Jazz on põhimõtteliselt ainus muusika, mis ei ole mõeldud tantsimiseks, moshimiseks või väänlemiseks - ta on mõeldud kuulamiseks, tõeliselt ajuga kuulamiseks. Ja kui sa nõnda kuulad ja istud, siis sa tunned, et sinu sisemus tantsibki juba kaasa.
Ja kuidas saaks vaielda, kas parem on jazz või blues? Blues on nagu toores kirg. Jazz on nagu väljapeetud kirg. Sa vajad elamiseks mõlemaid, sest ilmselgelt oled sa kirglik inimene, kui selline muusika sinus emotsioone tekitab.

Igatahes, elu on ilus...
Ja tonnide kaupa õppidagi tundub imelihtne, sest kõik on nii täiuslik.

Luscinia megarhynchos

2010-04-19T22:20:00.003+03:00

Lillelõhnaga täidetud tuba ja täielik vaikelu.

Murtud südamed, ja värske kevad.

Kas elu on ilus?

Pole küsimustki.

Mu süda on õnne täis.

Esimest korda elus ostsin ise endale lilli. Ja ma mitte ei mõista, miks alles nüüd.

Ja ma olen täpselt seal, kus ma olla tahan.

2010-04-18T22:45:00.001+03:00

Love is like a bird.
She needs to fly.

Un segno di Dio!

2010-04-15T10:13:00.002+03:00

Ma ei ole hommikuinimene.

Pole kunagi olnud, kuigi umbes seitsmendas klassis ärkasin järjekindlalt väga pika perioodi jooksul kl 6, et jooksmas käia, kl 7 bussi peale minna ja kl 8 algavat koolipäeva õigeaegselt alustada.

Keskkooliaeg oli minu jaoks libertiinluse lipulaev ja esimestesse tundidesse läksin tuju mööda, mis tähendab, et tihti lubasin enesele väljapuhkamist pärast liiga hilja alanud uneaega - õhtuid veetsin hea meelega arvuti ees või raamat näpus ja kumbki ei aja enese juurest ära, sest kell on juhuslikult liiga palju saanud.

Tartu Ülikool tegi mu elu palju lihtsamaks - "jubedate" päevate hulka võis lugeda aega, mil loengud kl 10 algasid. Ühel semestril pidin end ühel päeval 8ks kohale vedama, aga nendes loengutes ka enamasti tukkusin ja Kaur ja mina konspekteerisime kahepeale minu sülearvutisse.

Siinne elu on mu unetsükli jälle ööbikust lõokeseks teinud, sest enamik professoreid alustab oma tööpäeva kl 8 ja eeldab, et ka tudengid sellise eluviisiga sujuvalt kaasa lähevad. Muidugi ei jää tudengitel muud üle, sest professor on siiski Jumala poolt maa peale saadetud instants, kelle pintsakuriide serva puudutada on ülim au. Seega, me järgneme neile nii kohas kui kellaajas. (See semester, mil ma vaid kahel päeval kl 8 ärkama pean, nende vahel vaba päev, on isegi halastusega täidetud - eelmisel semestril ärkasin kolmel päeval kl 8 ja vahepeal kolmapäeviti kl 9.)

Mis mind aga tigedaks ajab, on hommik, mil mul kl 8 seminar ja kl 10 järgmine seminar toimub, viimases ka kirjanduse kontroll, mille põhjal üleüldse seminarist osa võtta lubatakse ja mil ma sellest tulenevalt pool ööd nimetatud kirjandusega tegelenud ja mõne tunni maganud olen ja mil ma tubli tudengina muidugi end üles vean ja ekstra kanget teed teen, et esimeses seminaris mitte uinuda.
Selline hommik oleks olnud produktiivne, kui see 8ne seminar ka toimunud oleks. Jõudsin minut enne algusaega kohale suure rutuga, ja mis seisab ukse peal - tervislikel põhjustel jääb seminar täna ära.

#@$%!!!*.

Aga vähemalt tähendab see lisaaega teise seminari materjalide kordamiseks, mida ma nüüd usinalt kasutama lähen.

Ilusat päeva teilegi!

.

2010-04-11T14:51:00.004+03:00

Jap, me oleme jõudnud sellesse eiiviiiiitsiiiiii-faasi, kus ma panen orkuti vanu pilte ja tegelikult homme on test seminariks.
Bwhah. Hah. Hah.

Päikesepäevad pole õppimiseks mõeldud lihtsalt.

Tahan vaba olla.

Aga kõik elame üle. Homme on hullem :]

sedapsi

2010-04-11T01:40:00.003+03:00

Jessas, inimeste elud lähevad kuhugi ära, minu omast hoopis kaugele. Kuigi paradoks on muidugi selles, et ma ise tulin siia kaugele ära. Aga igatahes, ma nüüd suutsin avastada, et Kärt saab varsti tädiks ja Aet emaks.

Ru(u)ben ja Ronja on väga ilusad nimed. Igatahes. Mõlemad.

Minul on tulevikuks plaan selline, et kui saan tüdruku, panen ise nime, kui poisi, luban isal enesega kompromissile jõuda. Kaks tüdrukunime on olemas, need on nii ägedad, et jäävad realiseerimiseni saladuskatte alla. Poisi nimi võiks Piiblist võetud olla, või siis mu kõige kallima meessugulase järgi Aldo.
Aga see tulevik on veel vähemalt kolme aasta kaugusel. Plaanipäraselt vähemalt. Sest mina ju tegelikult ei tea, mis seal ülal kirja pandud on mu jaoks...

Igatahes.
Palju õnne, Aet.

...

2010-04-11T01:22:00.002+03:00

Raamatuid, raamatuid ja siis veel raamatuid.
Viimane arve raamatute eest oli 37€ ja nüüd tuleb veel vähemalt 50€ eest raamatuid tellida. Jee, Lääne-Euroopa rikkad inimesed, kes on harjunud enesele kõike ostma, sest raamatukogus pole rohkem kui üks eksemplar, mis on pidevalt välja laenatud. Jee.

Iseenesest meeldib mulle väljavaade täituvatest raamaturiiulitest ja tegemist on nagunii ilukirjandusega ja peaaegu 80% selle sisust on ka hea ja 25% isegi väga hea, aga jätkuvalt väga harjumatu mitte raamatukogus elada, vaid raamatupoe ja ühika vahet pendeldada.

In other news - alkoholivaba elu on mõnus.

Vot.

Albatross

2010-04-09T23:56:00.002+03:00

Õppimise update: Jap, on tõesti olemas nii IGAV raamat, et ma selle raamatu lugemise asemel viskan oma seminari tunniplaanist välja ja asun agaraid meile kirjutama, et mind palun teise seminari võetaks.

Ma igatsen jazzklubisse ja kirjanduslikele üritustele, kus on kaabude ja pintsakutega mehed kulunud kingade ja mappidega ja sassis juustega naised ilusates kleitides.

Waah!

Aga vähemalt olen terveks saanud.

Järgmisel nädalal algab kool.

"Also, I've decided to fight with the native american metaphore against the american military metaphore!" :D

ja lõpetuseks, rahulik muusikapala. Fleetwood Mac sobib Vivaldi kõrval ka suurepäraselt õppimisele taustaks!